I-- I wish there were a better way to deal with Mom.
There is, but we're both too pretty for jail.
Two and a Half Men · Season 2, Episode 7
I-- I wish there were a better way to deal with Mom.
There is, but we're both too pretty for jail.
Charlie [slapping Alan with the plans for Evelyn's party]: Are? You? Happy? Now we have to throw a party for your crazy-ass mother!
Well, she's your mother, too!
How do you know? I could have been adopted.
You wish!
I do!
Anyway, I'm sleeping at a motel tonight.
Good idea. Maybe you'll meet your next husband on the walk there.
That's it, I can't work like this!
Well, you have to, Berta! We got fifty people coming here in a couple of hours.
Don't tell me, tell her.
Fine.
Berta [to Charlie]: Watch this.
[Alan tries to talk to Daisy, who is meditating outside on the deck]
HEY, I'M MEDITATING HERE!
Berta, Berta, you can't quit being related to somebody. Believe me, I've tried.
Alan [to Evelyn]: If you want to sit here and stew in the venom and bile that is the soup of your being, then fine. I hope you drown in it! [to Jake]: Don't you ever talk to your mother this way!
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