Torchwood quotes

257 total quotes

All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
  Season 4  

Adam: You always remember what you kill, don't you, Jack?

Banana Boat: [hitting on Toshiko] I'm Banana. [points to loud yellow cravat] Suppose you can tell why.
Toshiko: You come up in spots and go soft quickly?
Banana Boat: Actually, I'm the best man.
Toshiko: Evolution is full of surprises.

Banana Boat: So do you fancy a little drink later?
Toshiko: I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana Boat: Huh?
Toshiko: Bananas make me vomit.

Beth: Will it hurt?
Jack: Yeah.
Beth: Your bedside manners are rubbish.
Gwen: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious, apparently, so I've heard.
Ianto: Oh they are. I remember this one time...
[Jack clears his throat]

Brenda Williams: The problem seems to be an American with no sense of timing or fashion.

Captain John Hart: [as a hologram, sarcastically] Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!

Emily: The Torchwood Institute was created to combat the threat posed by the Doctor and other phantasmagoria.
Jack: (laughs) He's not a threat. The Doctor's the one who will save you from your phantasma-hoogits.

Farrington: What are you?
Owen: I'm broken. I'm Dr Owen Harper. And I'm having one hell of a day

Gwen Cooper: Can you deal with the body when it's cold?
Ianto Jones: My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.

Gwen Cooper: You left us, Jack!
Captain Jack Harkness: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
Gwen Cooper: We knew nothing, Jack!
Toshiko Sato: Where were you?
Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles] I found my Doctor.
Owen Harper: Did he fix you?
Captain Jack Harkness: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
Ianto Jones: [softly] Are you going back to him?
Captain Jack Harkness: I came back for you.

Gwen: Do you think I've changed?
Rhys: Eh?
Gwen: Since I joined Torchwood, am I different?
Rhys: Why?
Gwen: It's just something Andy said. Okay, let me just tell you this one thing, okay?
Rhys: Okay, go on.
Gwen: He still fancies me. (Rhys snickers) Don't laugh, Rhys. That's why he didn't come to the wedding.
Rhys: Bloody hell, poor sod.
Gwen: Oi! I'm a very sexy lady and you are a very lucky man. Just remember that, okay? (unzips jacket)
Rhys: We're not going to talk about kids tonight, are we?
Gwen: We could so some practising

Gwen: Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?
[Old Woman points in the direction in which Torchwood are heading]
Gwen: [serious] Thank you. [driving away]
Old Woman: Bloody Torchwood.

Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Jack: Yeah.
Gwen: What was it like?
Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.

Gwen: So, is that it, then? We just sweep it under the carpet?
Owen: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Gwen: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.

Gwen: Torchwood doesn't do maternity leave - "Sorry Jack, I'd love to deal with those aliens but I can't find a babysitter", "No, no, no, I'll sort out that bomb once I've dropped Rhys Jr. off at nursery."