Ianto Jones quotes from Torchwood

Ianto

"And I heard but did not understand and I said, 'Master, what is the end of all these things?' And he said, 'Go, Daniel, for the things are closed up and sealed until the end of time.'" Daniel 12, verse 10.

Gwen

Sounds a bit close for comfort.

Owen

This machine's on the blink, keeps losing power. [to Ianto] Sorry, don't let me stop your portents of doom. Or have you finished?

Ianto

No. Plenty more where that came from. Abaddon, the Great Devourer, who'll lead the world into shadow.

Jack

Yeah, thanks, Ianto. I could do without the superstition; you people love any story that denies the randomness of existence.

Ianto

Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better.

Ianto

Woah, that never beeps.

Jack

That's what I was thinking.

Jack

[After introducing the team] Meet

John

Captain John Hart.

Jack

We go back.

John

Excuse me, we more than go back. We were partners.

Ianto

In what way?

John

In every way. And then some.

Jack

Oh yeah, I love that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic. Office romances... Photocopying your butt, well maybe not your butt, although whilst we're here why don't we photo-

Ianto

The rift was active at these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.

Jack

How are you, Ianto?

Ianto

All the better for having you back, Sir.

Jack

Can we drop the 'Sir' now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking, maybe we could...You know, when this is all done...Dinner, a movie...?

Ianto

Are you asking me out on a date?

Jack

Interested?

Ianto

[stuttering] Well, as long as it's not in an office...Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.

Jack

Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot.

Ianto

Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs.

Ianto

Jack? Why are we helping him?

Jack

He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone.

Jack

By the way, was that a yes?

Ianto

Yes, yes...

Gwen Cooper

Can you deal with the body when it's cold?

Ianto Jones

My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.

Gwen Cooper

You left us, Jack!

Captain Jack Harkness

[sigh] I know, I'm sorry.

Gwen Cooper

We knew nothing, Jack!

Toshiko Sato

Where were you?

Captain Jack Harkness

[smiles] I found my Doctor.

Owen Harper

Did he fix you?

Captain Jack Harkness

What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.

Ianto Jones

[softly] Are you going back to him?

Captain Jack Harkness

I came back for you.

Ianto

'Just us. In this room. As long as it takes.' Terrifying.

Jack

Really?

Ianto

[nods] Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.

Jack

You don't look scared.

Ianto

Well, it passed.

Toshiko

You said we weren't allowed to use that again.

Jack

It's just a mind probe.

Ianto

Remember what happened last time you used it?

Jack

That was different. And that species has extremely high blood pressure.

Ianto

Oh, right, their heads must explode all the time.

Gwen

Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.

Jack

I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.

Toshiko

Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.

Ianto

Or at the first sign of explodiinggg. [grimaces and mimes a seizure].

Jack

[Snaps and points at Ianto] Hey!

Will it hurt?

Jack

Yeah.

Your bedside manners are rubbish.

Gwen

You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious, apparently, so I've heard.

Ianto

Oh they are. I remember this one time...

No I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down!

Owen

What about a mobile connection?

[annoyed] The entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!

Ianto

Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string - everything, absolutely everything! No phones, phones all broken. [mimics telephone] Hello? Anyone there? [normal] No, 'cause the phones aren't working!

Owen

How'd you know that?

Ianto

I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

Jack

Have faith, with a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?

Ianto

He is dashing, you have to give him that.

Owen

And what if they can't stop it?

They'll stop it.

Owen

Yeah, but if they can't?

Ianto

Then it's...all over.

Owen

[after a pause] Let's all have sex.

Ianto

[deadpan] And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.

Toshiko Sato

[hacking into a military database] Come on, guys, that wasn't even difficult. You disappoint me.

Ianto Jones

It's almost obscene what you do to security systems.

Jack

This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918.

Ianto

In his own time. [pause] Would you go back to yours, if you could?

Jack

Why? Would you miss me?

Ianto

Yep.

Jack

I left home a long time ago, I don't know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore.

Ianto

[perches on the edge of Jack's desk] I know you get lonely.

Jack

Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see, loved people people I never would have know if I'd stayed where I was. [looks directly at Ianto] And I wouldn't change that for the world.