Ianto Jones quotes from Torchwood

Jack

You shouldn't be here.

Ianto

Neither should you.

Jack

What you got?

Ianto

Funny sort of weather patterns.

Ianto

I blame it on magic mushrooms.

Jack

What you do in private is none of our business.

Ianto

You're used to this, aren't you? That facial expression you all share. When things get a bit, out of control. Like you enjoy it. Like you get a high from the danger.

Toshiko

You want me to apologise for that?

Ianto

Don't you ever wonder how long you can survive before you go mad, or get killed, or lose a loved one?

Toshiko

It's worth the risk, to protect people!

Ianto

And who protects us?!

Toshiko

God, I'm hungry.

Ianto

You should've had that cheeseburger.

Toshiko

Not that hungry.

Ianto

[Thinking] Can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt. [Out loud] I'm about to brew some of Jack's industrial strength coffee. Would you like a cup?

I'm ... fine, thanks Ianto.

Jack

Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?

Ianto

Two thousand and eight.

Owen

Hey, what if they all become psychotic?

Do you have to sound so happy?

Owen

Yeah, I'm just saying, Mean Streets!

Owen

[re: the Resurrection Gauntlet.] You know, we never gave it a cool name.

I thought we just called it "the Resurrection Gauntlet".

Owen

Cool name.

Ianto

What about... the Risen Mitten?

Ianto

I think it's catchy.

Owen

[re: the life knife] Ianto?

Ianto

[deadpan] Life knife.

Owen

Give Ianto a stopwatch, and he's happy.

Ianto

It's the button on the top.

Ianto

[to Jack] If you're interested, I've still got that stopwatch.

Jack

So?

Ianto

Think about it, lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.

Jack

Oh yeah, I can think of a few.

Ianto

There's quite a list.

Jack

I'll send the others home early, see you in my office in ten.

Ianto

That's ten minutes... and counting.

Ianto

Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?

Jack

Good question.

Ianto

She had quite a few deaths in the end.

Jack

I don't know. 'Death by Torchwood'.

Ianto

I'll put a lock on the door. Just in case she goes walking again.

Jack

Nah. No chance of that. The Resurrection days are over, thank God.

Ianto

Oh, I wouldn't be too sure. That's the thing about gloves, sir. They come in pairs.

How did it do that?

Ianto Jones

It's automatic. It knows you're there.

But how?

Ianto Jones

There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves and then they throw reflections -

Bananas...!

Ianto

Of course bananas are far more interesting.

How much food money do I have left?

Ianto

£15.40.

Ianto

£12.10. You'll ruin your teeth.

You sound like my mum.

John

Good God!

Ianto

Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-clad celebrities.

John

There are children around!

Ianto

She's a children's TV presenter.

Ianto

Jack needs me!

Owen

In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams, when you're his part time shag maybe.

Owen

World didn't end after all, did it? Good job you're a crap shot.

Ianto

I was aiming for your shoulder.

Gwen

So, what sort of vision did you have? We all saw people we loved, asking us to open the Rift. Who did you see?

Jack

Nothing. I didn't see anyone.

Gwen

Jack? What visions would have tempted you?

Jack

[sighs] The right kind of Doctor.

Gwen

Jack!

Owen

I thought we tidied up in here.

Gwen

Did any of you see Jack on your way in?

Ianto

No. Why?

Gwen

[Arms folded, she turns to face the direction the noise came from] Something's taken him. Jack's gone.