[driving the Niva]
James: Does this mean we've actually found a Communist car we like?
[the Niva's engine cuts out and Jeremy is unable to re-start it]
Jeremy: No!

[During Abarth review.]
Jeremy: [VO] ... And if you drive it with the bonnet up it won't work at all.
[Shows Jeremy driving it with the Abarth's bonnet up]
Jeremy: I CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOING!

[During muscle car roadtrip, asking Richard about the features of his Dodge Challenger.]
Jeremy: Let me put it this way ... this is like a body builder, right? Hugely impressive, but when you take it's trunks down it's Hello Mr Squir--
[On screen: To keep the US State Department happy this is censored.]
Richard: What d'you mean, you put it in a melon?

[During Pagani Zonda Lap.]
Jeremy: This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat.

[During the Cool Wall segment, Jeremy asks the audience about the Morgan Aeromax]
Jeremy: Do you find him attractive?
Woman in the audience: I came with them.
Richard: Is everybody all together?
Woman in the audience: He brought me...
Jeremy: What the hell accent's that?
Woman in the audience: (blushing) I'm American...
Jeremy: You're American? You can't be, you're nowhere near fat enough!
[Audience laughs]
Jeremy: You're American? Welcome ... Welcome to the free world, you'll like it here.

[During the Cool Wall segment, Jeremy tries to guess what car people drive from the shoes they wear]
[Camera pans over to a pair of orange leather shoes]
Jeremy: OH MY GOD, WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT-- oh, hello James.
[A little later]
Jeremy: This year a motoring icon is celebrating its fortieth birthday.
James: Richard Hammond?
Jeremy: No, he's thirty eight. Same as he was last year, and the year before. Mind you, it's his birthday next week, isn't it?
James: Oh it is actually, then he'll be thirty eight.
Richard: Yes, alright, funny, funny.
Jeremy: Thirty eight year old Richard Hammond!
Richard: I am! Thank you, very much.

[During the lorry race]
James: Does understeer, this lorry.

[During the lorrying speed test]
Jeremy: Eat my Magnum!... Yeah!

[during the news, May is wearing a leather jacket]
Jeremy: [point at May] Are you wearing that for a bet?
Richard: Yeah, he is.
James: Yeah.
Jeremy: He is, ah okay.

[During the news, mocking last series' news joke.]
Jeremy: James, bad news. The Dacia Sandero...
James: The what?
Jeremy: The Dacia Sandero is not coming to the UK!
James: Oh. Now...

[during the news]
James: And there's more fast small car news from Renault with this, which is the Mégane R26.R. And I think that looks really great as well.
Richard: Yeah, yeah, I saw that and thought o' you straight away mate. No, I thought what that James May is gonna want is a hatchback with red wheels, six point harnesses, a carbon-fibre bonnet, plastic windows. That's...
Jeremy: It is. And James, it's French, who you like to think of as "lamb-burning communists". It's perfect for you in every way!
Richard: How did you arrive at wanting that?
James: Because I like it.
Jeremy: Look, James, let me put it to you this way: you would have to have literally no penis at all to buy a car like that.
James: [looks down at crotch] How do you work that out?
Jeremy: Well 'cause we're always being told that the... flashness of your car is inversely proportionate to the size--is this right? Am I talking sense here girls?--So the larger the man's car, the flasher it is, the vegetable... thing goes on?
James: Is that right? And you're saying that to a man with a 1.2 litre Fiat Panda? [audience laughs] Mister swollen-wheel-arches Mercedes CLK Black.
Richard: He does have a point there. He does...
Jeremy: You've got a Ford Mustang!
Richard: Let's move on!

[during the news]
James: Oh! Big news!
Jeremy: Is it the Dacia Sandero?
James: [confused] ...No, erm...

[During the news]
Jeremy: [pointing to Richard's waistcoat] You wearing that for a bet?
Richard: No.
Jeremy: No?
Richard: No.

[during the news]
Jeremy: Can anyone think of one thing, in the world, which is better hard, than soft?
Richard: Oh, that's quite awkward actually there Jeremy.
Jeremy: [to a man in the audience] What?...[man responds] Ice.
Richard: He got us out of it.
Jeremy: Yeah, well thanks for getting us out of that one mate.
[introducing the one-tank Basel to Blackpool race]

[During the news]
Jeremy: Great news! They've done an off-road version of the Dacia Sandero! [photo appears on TV screen] Don't be fooled by the Renault badge; that's the Dacia, that baby!
James: What the hell are you on about?
Jeremy: It's Dacia!... :[audience member says something, Jeremy speaks to him] It's a Dacia! I know it says Renault, I just said that! Have you got a beard in your ears as well? Or is... :[audience member replies] Why do ginger people always grow more of it on their faces? That's what I want to know.