Ten minutes later, we roared into the first corner [Jeremy, James and Richard creep slowly into view]
S13 E5July 19th, 2009
[almost crashing into James May's Marina at the Val Thorens race] DON'T HIT HIM!! Morris extremists will come if I hit him!
S13 E6July 26th, 2009
Tonight! I wear some goggles. Richard falls down a small slope. And James says "Hello" to a man!
[On The Stig]
Some say, that on Thursdays he becomes incredibly bulbous. And that recently pigs in Mexico started to die of something called "Stig flu". All we know is, he's highly contagious!
[Driving the new Z4]
Getting into the old Z4 after a long day, was like coming home after a long day's work and flopping down onto a sofa made entirely out of Chuck Norris.
[About Morris Marina Owners' Club]
Last week a piano was accidentally dropped on a Morris Marina as we were filming it.
Last time this happened the Morris Marina Owners' Club, which is like the provisional wing of the "Morris Men", is absolutely furious.
Actually, there's been a lot of activity on a Morris chatroom: "I'm going to send an e-mail to the BBC and I don't care if they don't read it."
Now, that's what they said last time, okay. This time - getting worse. They say they're gonna get physical. I'm quoting now, one of them says (and I'm not making this up): "If I see Jeremy Clarkson in the street, I will poo into my hand and throw it at him."
[Audience laughs]
[incredulous] What, they'll poo into their own hand?! That's a stupid way of getting someone! That's like an assassin lining up on the target and then shooting them through his own head! Bang!
[Carla Bruni's song about Marina]
CCarla
My heart is sore
My Marina is no more
It was the 1.8
With the optional rear armrest
And now those Top Gear wazzocks
Have dropped a piano on its roof
I hate James May
And the other two
But mainly James May
I want my Morris back
[cuts to James May laughing]
[driving in Majorca]
[voiceover] Mind you, it wasn't exactly plain sailing for me either.
[on a motorway at rush hour] Come on please, traffic, please, please, how can they have a rush hour in Majorca? Nobody does anything. Get up, throw a donkey off a tower block, sit in a plastic chair by the side of the road, go to bed. Where does a rush hour come from in that?
S13 E7August 2nd, 2009
Tonight, Richard has a crisis. Some sheep on our track. And James and I go to the lavatory.
Yes, and welcome to the final show in the series.. [Crowd shows disappointment and sighs] Sad.
[On The Stig]
Some say, that he cut that man's hair [pointing at the man in audience].
Now, eh as I'm sure you know, we don't often do consumer advice on this show, but tonight, we are. Because you see, if you were in a market, for large, fast, spacious, executive saloon cars, you'd imagine, that you'll be spoiled for choice. Me too. However, Richard Hammond, who is quite mad, has decided that every single one of them has a fatal flaw.
[Richard Hammond explaining the name of the Vauxhall VXR8 Bathurst]
This car is Australian, and the Bathurst is Australia's most famous race. Basically, it's a place where Holden and Ford fans go to have a massive fistfight, and then in the interval, when the paramedics go in, sometimes a car race breaks out.
[Richard Hammond commenting on the VXR8 Bathurst
I'm sorry, if this car doesn't move you, that is your problem, not the car's. Just the fact!
[During the News, after concluding that throwing a G-Wiz electric car into a river would be safe for the fish]
I'm not convinced by that, though, because I think electricity is a mystery.
[Jeremy rolls his eyes and looks at the audience]
It is! No--I don't actually believe in it.
You don't believe in electricity?
No, nobody really understands it.
[Indicating James] What you are witnessing here is Asperger's made real.
[Confused] Is that what makes my wee smell funny?
No--! [He laughs]
[Laughing as well] Oh no, that's asparagus!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.