Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

It's far from the most sophisticated engine in the known universe, but because it's so big, you can put it in sixth and pootle around at three, doing plenty of miles to the gallon. Or you can poke it with a stick. Then you will go from nought to sixty in six and a half seconds and reach a top speed of over 160. Usually sideways.

Jeremy

It's big and simple and I love it.

Jeremy

Pray silence, please, for Dame Edna Everstig.

Jeremy

Damn! I think I've won.

Jeremy

We could carry on trying to destroy it, but do you know what? I think we should build a plinth.

Jeremy

Tonight: Richard drives the new McLaren Mercedes; I try Birmingham's latest head banger; and we stage the first ever Top Gear Boffin Burnout.

Jeremy

The Germans always aim high. Stalingrad by Christmas and the world by Easter, and then we'll sort out Rover.

Jeremy

The Porsche Cayenne: the first car ever to be named after an ingredient.

Jeremy

Nought to 60 takes five seconds. And about 17 gallons of fuel.

Jeremy

Now most modern off-road cars, like for instance the BMW X5, would get stuck on a croquet lawn.

Jeremy

[voiceover] As an engineering exercise, the Cayenne is astonishing. Only the Germans could've pulled it off. But all their efforts with the power and the speed and the toughness and the agility - they were all a complete and utter waste of time. Because look at it.

Jeremy

I think what they tried to do is make the front look like a 911. Which it doesn't. And then from here back it looks like they just haven't bothered! Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It is a monkfish among cars. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis, and frankly I would rather walk back to the studio than drive another yard in it. So I shall. [looks around, points] That way. [walks out of frame]

Jeremy

Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.

Jeremy

This car has one of the world's great engines, a big, gurgling V8 with huge torque and an even huger thirst. Flat-out, at 165 miles an hour, this car is using a kilo of fuel every minute. That's jet fighter consumption, but then it goes like a jet fighter!

Jeremy

Oh, this is terrific! Just imagine how good it would be if you could get third.

Jeremy

This car is plastic. It has a stupid rear spoiler and it's made by a company no one's ever heard of on an industrial estate in Leicestershire. So for posing it's hopeless. But for the undiluted thrill of driving, it's almost impossible to do better.