Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

So it's powerful, extraordinary value for money, and more reliable than a wood-burning stove.

Jeremy

This ride is totally unacceptable.

Jeremy

Tonight: James drives a car that you can hand on to your grandchildren; I engage reheat in a hot Saab; And Richard almost drowns!

Jeremy

There's no way the aristocracy is going to buy this car. I mean, these days they have to burn their children just to stay warm, and all their furniture's held together by the moths that ate it.

Jeremy

It's like doing 5000 miles an hour in Douglas Bader's sponge bag.

Jeremy

They are completely pointless. Speaking of which: this button here allows you to adjust the hardness of the suspension, like so. Why do you need that? Why would you want to make your Bentley more uncomfortable? It really is as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.

Jeremy

The old four-door Arnage is a symphony of pomp and circumstance, hope and glory - absolute power corrupting absolutely. Oh, it isn't very good, but there's such a sense of occasion when you drive it. This is the other way round: brilliant, sensationally fast, handles beautifully, and it'll almost certainly be reliable. But it leaves you feeling... just a little bit cold.

Jeremy

Anyone who sits in the back of a four-seater convertible looks like Hitler.

Jeremy

Obviously all of them are uncool. If you buy a people - anyone got one? You have. Basically what you're saying about yourself, sir, is: you've had your children and now you're just waiting to die.

Jeremy

All dentists have Saabs, OK? All. And graphic designers all have them, and all architects have them, and all Stephen Frys have them.

Jeremy

That's handy if you want to line up for a bombing run on a Soviet nuclear submarine base, but of limited use on the A38 just outside Burton-on-Trent.

Jeremy

Now what I'd like to do at this point to demonstrate the difference between car and plane even more is bolt the Stig into the Saab here and have him race a fighter jet round our track. [laughing] Only trouble is, can you imagine ringing up the Royal Navy and saying, "Hello, I'm from that pokey motoring programme on BBC, would it be possible to borrow one of your Sea Harriers?" You can imagine what the response would be.

Jeremy

[voiceover] Yes, they were there in a jiffy.

Jeremy

[On the Saab 9-5 Hot Aero] The handling is just hysterical. It's like driving a - fast! - bouncy castle!

Jeremy

Tonight: Richard drives a green Lamborghini; James drives a blue Lamborghini; and I drive a yellow Lamborghini.

Jeremy

This is a man with a two-tone beard who's come here to tell us about style.

Jeremy

When I started in this business, writing about cars, I was earning... about 40 quid a week. OK? I borrowed one of these, took it into a petrol station, to fill it up... £147!

Jeremy

This, then, is the £117,000 Gallardo. Lamborghini's idea of being sensible.

Jeremy

Let me put it this way: a picnic, okay? If you went, you'd want the Germans to make the hamper so the handles don't fall off, but you'd want the Italians to make the food, yes? That's what you get with that [points to Murciélago]; it's a German-Italian picnic where the Italians have done what they're good at and the Germans have done what they're good at. With this [points to Gallardo], the Germans have done ze food.