Christopher, do you think we're doing the right thing? This place is like a prison.
Well, Mom is like a criminal.
“Locking Up Mom” · Season 2, Episode 5
In this episode: Titus (4), Dave Titus (1), Erin Fitzpatrick (1)
[The hospital doctors want to begin Juanita's hearing without Ken.]
JJuanita
He's probably stuck in traffic.
TTitus
[accusingly] Or in a mason jar.
Or something you put jam in!
[Titus stares at Dave.]
TTitus
Like a mason jar.
When I was seven, I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with my mom. When Jack Nicholson was strapped to the table getting electroshock treatment, my mom burst into tears. She said it reminded her of her life. (chokes up): And I was stunned...because I didn't know my mom had been nominated for an Oscar.
Normal families had a junk drawer. Dad and I had an evidence locker. During show and tell, I always went last 'cuz nobody could follow me.
(flashback to Christopher standing in front of the classroom, playing one of Juanita's threatening voice messages from an answering machine as the teacher and a girl sitting in front cry their eyes out)
Juanita (from the answering machine): YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE THAT HOUSE IN A BODY BAG!
(the teacher sobs harder as Pre-Teen Christopher stops the recording)
PTPre-Teen Titus
My daddy calls it, "People's Exhibit A." (walks back to his desk, but stops by a boy's desk with a cage on it. To the boy): Let's see your crappy gerbil top that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Titus pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.