In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake, and a party. In my family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment, and destruction of private property.
“The Surprise Party” · Season 2, Episode 3
In this episode: Titus (3), Dave Titus (1)
Taco Night is a tasty corn shell full of lies!
How many massacres have started off with "Surprise!"? Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. (breaks down crying): My uncle's 50th birthday...I WAS THERE, MAN! (wailing): How many more have to die?!
Kathy will be my sixth mother, which means, here comes the "I hope I can give you what your other mothers couldn't" speech. Okay, Kathy, (holds up a wooden shield): show me what ya got!
(switch to the real world)
KKathy
I want you to know I'm on your side.
(switch to the Neutral Space. Titus still has his shield up)
She's on my side. (ducks as an arrow hits the shield): Ooh, worked for Stepmom #2 and #4. Not today!
(switch to the real world)
KKathy
I know I can't be your mom, but I'd like to be your friend.
(switch to the Neutral Space. Titus still has the shield up)
She can't be my mom, but she'd like to be my friend. (ducks as another arrow hits the shield): Oooh. My real mom said that.
(switch to the real world)
KKathy
Because you are such an upstanding young man. At least, that's what your dad says.
What?
(switch to the Neutral Space. Titus lowers the shield)
Dad said that? (the arrow hits Titus in the chest)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Titus pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.