Rick quotes from The Young Ones

Rick, Zip it up, or I'll tell everybody in this room that you've got an iron-on cartoon worm on the front of your Y-fronts that says "Girl Bait".

Rick

Oh! So you've been going through my Y-fronts, have you, Vyvyan? I suppose you fancy me, is that it?

(looks genuinely panicked) Yes! As a matter of fact, I do, Rick! I really, really fancy you, and I wanna give you a big girly kiss on the bottom!

Rick [creeped out]: Urgh! You hear that, Mike? Vyvyan's gone all funny! He says he wants to kiss my bottom!

Oh! Did I say "kiss you on the bottom?" Oh, beg my pardon, I meant to say "stick a pickaxe through your spinal column"!

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Rick

I can't believe it. My parents... are dead.

You think that's bad...

Rick

Well yes I do actually! What's it to you piss-face?!

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[As the boys are about to rob a bank with pistols]

Now whatever you do, don't go losing your heads and using them!

Why not, Mike?!

Rick

Yeah, why not? Those bank clerks didn't have to become bank clerks! They knew the risks when they took the job. Now let's just get in there and let 'em have it!

Rick, we can't do that, because if we do, there's a very good chance they'll discover that these are water pistols.

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[After a bank job. Everyone jumps into Vyvyan's car. But he drives it directly into a lamp-post.]

[hysterical] Oh, what have I done?! [sobs]

C'mon, Vyv, there's no time for that now.

My car! My beautiful, beautiful car!

Rick

Oh, no, it's the pigs! This is it, guys! I'll see you later! [exits the car]

[to Rick] Yellow chicken!

[to Vyvyan, who's still crying] You've got to forget about your car, Vyvyan! Start life again without it. After all, you've still got S.P.G.

I don't think so, Michael. He was asleep on the radiator!

[S.P.G. is crushed on the grill of the car. Bagpipe music plays as he floats above the car wearing angel wings and a halo.]

SPS.P.G.

See you later, you little whimp.

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We don't want you in the song anymore.

Rick

What? What?!

I simply said we don't want you in the song...

Rick

Yes, yes, yes, but why?

(From backstage) Because you're total and utter crap!

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Don't do the song, right, I've got some really heavy news about Cliff that's gonna completely blow your mi... what's that smell?

RVRick & Vyvyan

Neil, go away!

[Audience awws.]

Don't patronise me, you bastards! Oh, yeah, let's all sit in rows and ruin Neil's evening!

Rick

What's the message, Neil?

Oh, yeah, the message about Cliff, right, er... Cliff's blown out the gig.

Rick

What? You mean he's... farted?

No, no, Cliff can't come.

Rick

Why?

He's doing time.

Rick

They put him in prison for farting?! Right on!

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CCliff

(singing) # Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul. #

MVMike, Vyvyan, Rick, Neil

(singing) # fies my soul! #

"Fies my soul"?

Rick

Yes, "fies my soul". It's raunchy, Vyvyan.

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Neil, d'you wanna hear a great new joke?

Oh, yeah. Ok.

Rick, I'd get out of the way if you don't wanna get seriously hurt. Right, what d'you say to a stupid hippie who's standing on a pile of dynamite?

I dunno, what do you say to a stupid hippie who's standing on a pile of dynamite?

Get this, buster!

[He steps on a detonator and there's an explosion which appears to go horribly wrong as Vyvyan gasps in pain while holding his crotch.]

Oh, yeah. I get it. "Get this, buster!" Yeah, brilliant!

Rick

Is everyone happy? Vyvyan's whiffed out the theatre, blown his goolies off and you've stopped Cliff coming! Can we please just do the song?!

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[While recording the flipside of the Living Doll record.]

Rick

Good morning, everybody. Let's make rock 'n' roll history.

Oh, no. He's found us.

Rick

Hey, great gag telling me the recording studio was in Wales!

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VRVyvyan, Rick, Neil, Mike

(singing) # All the little flowers are singing. All the little birdies are too, tweet tweet! Everything in the garden is happy and we hope you are too. If you're happy we're happy, ha ha! If you're sad we're sad, boo hoo! But now it's time to end this song coz it's so (bleep) bad! #

Rick

Goodnight, children.

Goodnight.

Hello... er... goodnight.

Pass the detonator.