(speaking into a microphone) All henchmen report for free bagels! Repeat: free bagels!
Free bagels, sir?
Hey, if I say "report for dangerous battle", nobody shows up!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
How can we keep up our super-covert normal family cover with (points at his wife) you kicking everyone, (points at Truman) you blasting everything, (points at Tuesday) and all your nay-saying? It's a good thing I created that clever diversion!
Dad, you leveled the whole park!
See? Nay-saying!
Quiet, X's!!! I regret to inform you that SUPERIOR is furious! Once again, you've nearly blown your cover. They insist that you immediately do something to prove that you can act like a normal family, or, you will all be fired!
(gesturing around the living room) How are we ever gonna act like a normal family?! I mean, look at this place! Normal families don't have a remote control with a launch button! Normal families don't have exploding lawn gnomes! Normal families don't have portraits of themselves fighting giant robot squids!
We are the X's, a normal family here to have our portrait taken. And we're not spies!
(in disguise) Of course, the X's. We've been X-pecting you. (laughs evilly) Right this way, please.
Yes, that's it, smile. Smile and say, (backs away from the camera, with the drape covering his helmet): "Surprise"! (The X's stare at him)
The, um... the drape... thingy...
What? Oh. (reveals himself) Surprise!
XXMr. X, Mrs. X and Tuesday
Glowface!
(annoyed) Yeah!
That’s right, is I, Glowface, leader of S.N.A.F.U.!
(removing his disguise) And I, Lorenzo Suave, his right-hand man!
Nobody cares!
(walking away, miffed) Well, I...
Greetings fellow suburbanite!
NNeighbor
Howdy, neighbor! Out walking your- (looks down at robot) -dog? Oh, I see he's got one of them cones to stop him from biting himself, heh, and no head.
I have to...grout the dollies, or something!
Tuesday, how do you keep winning!?
Vermiculate... (writing on a notebook) That's eighty-five thousand points for me, looks like I win...again.
Ugh! That's it! (kicks the scrabble board) I'll be back! (storms off as Tuesday laughs at him)
(sneaking around the living room holding two goo guns) Oh, big butt, come out and (looks over the couch and is surprised by something off-screen) play!?
Top this! (blasts Truman)
Ugh! (the blast sends him crashing upside down into a wall; he growls) Tuesday... (she laughs at him again) I'll be back... again!
(to Truman) You dare question the manual? The manual is law! The manual must be obeyed. Do not anger the manual!
(catching Truman changing the manual's text) Truman, I can't believe... you've been keeping this to yourself!
(on first meeting Brandon) Spy... I mean, hi!
You know, when I was your age, I was younger.
(after Glowface reveals his plan to use the Truth Ray in his plan to conquer the world on live TV) Poo head!
You're the poo head, poo head! Where was I?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X's pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.