TV show quotes
Men are like salmon. Swimming upstream, hosing down the riverbed with their indiscriminate seed...
Indiscriminate seed?
Until...
Did you just say "indiscriminate seed"?
Until they die, bloated and spent, belly-up in the sun.
Oh, quit sweet-talkin' me, baby.
Unless they get taken out with a bear paw in the waterfall, as they deserve to be.
What's wrong?
Close the door.
I didn't do it.
Close the door.
Toby did it.
Shut up!
[closes the door] Gonna talk now? [silence] Seriously. I don't react well to this... It's like staring at a dog.
I think Doug Westin is having an affair with his nanny.
Geez! I don't wanna know that! Why did you tell me that?
Because you deal with the press and I don't want you to get blind sided.
Exactly! I work with the press. I do my best work when I'm the least informed person in the room. You taught me that.
Suck it up.
Yes, we worry about what's happening in the culture: we have two young children. But censorship is like saying I can't have a steak because a baby can't chew it. Let's be careful. Yeah?
[Trying to persuade the California governor to evacuate San Andreo] Better a few fender benders on the I-5 than a generation of babies with thyroid cancer.
[trying to figure out the nuclear plant accident] I thought a degree in economics was plenty for this job. My kingdom for a plumbing license.
Are you ready?
To fly into a massive cloud of radiation while the rest of the country is making hats out of tin foil?
It was a rhetorical question.
[who endorsed nuclear power during the debate] Every time they show that debate clip, it looks like I ran into that plant myself and spilled uranium on the floor!
Vinick has a cold!
Oh, that's precious.
I'm going to send him some Vick's Vapo-Rub and a big German nurse!
[As Vinick and staff sit down in the Mural room] Make yourselves comfortable. The President will be right with you.
Thank you.
[quietly] Not too comfortable.
What?
[acting confused] What?
We have had a good time always running for the center. But the party's over. You're a Republican, you need to start talking to the Republican, conservative base.
Nail him to the cross. He can stump for votes on the Via Dolorosa.
I have a thing of yours.
My Pyongyang book, good. I tore up my whole office looking for it.
It's not that.
Really?
Really.
It's in a blue binder. It may not be --
Nothing in a blue binder.
Are you sure? I mean, picking it out --
It's a bra.
...oh, okay.
[looking at Donna] Oh, this must be what your first smack high feels like.
Here's hoping it's not followed by a huge crash and years of rehabilitation.
Nothing could kill my mood right now, but that was a good try.
We have had a good time always running for the center. But the party's over. You're a Republican, you need to start talking to the Republican, conservative base.
Nail him to the cross. He can stump for votes on the Via Dolorosa.
I am the only person talking to values voters.
And you are doing a fantastic job.
They're not voting for me, and they know it. He needs to spend more time in the southern states to make sure we don't lose them.
The undecideds are moderates. They're not bible thumpers. He's got to speak to their issues.
What's he going to do? Suddenly pull the Arnold Vinick Health Plan out of his tailpipe?
Would that qualify as a miracle? They like the miracles.
We lost independents because a nuclear power plant almost had a meltdown after I said nuclear power was completely safe.
That is water under the bridge. Now we've got to...
If it's water under the bridge, how come I'm still ducking reporters on the campaign trail?
Hey Josh?
Yeah?
The congressman's briefcase: what's inside there?
Road stuff...toothbrush, electric razor, sometimes a wallet. Why?
We seem to have lost it, and he seems kinda worried.
The guy's running a tie for the presidency and he's got two weeks left, so you can expect him to look worried once in a while.
So there's nothing... bad in there.
Like?
I don't know! Heroin, porn...
No, that's all mine.
I'm going to go now.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
