C.J. Cregg quotes from The West Wing

Carol

Toby and Josh are in your office.

CJ

What do they want?

Carol

To make fun of you, I think.

CJ

And you let them in?

Carol

And made them coffee.

Josh

Congressman Wendt, who single-handedly blocked our tax credit to expand child care to working families, is attempting to bind the feet of your entire gender with his paleo-chauvinist stay-at-home mom tax cut.

CJ

I'm going to read the bill and supporting materials.

Josh

What if you just kick up a cloud of dust about the revenue impact and mention that he's the Darth Vader of child care?

CJ

What do I need to catch up on?

Toby

The President signed a school vouchers bill for D.C.

CJ

Are you kidding? I leave the building for an hour and he switches parties.

Toby

Promise me something.

CJ

What?

Toby

You'll never let them make a list of my screw-ups. They wouldn't have enough paper.

Charlie

CJ.

CJ

Yeah?

Charlie

Don't go on TV with Taylor Reid again unless you're going to tell him what an idiotic, shallow, uninformed, and lying punk he is.

CJ

I think he knows that.

You can tell the President he doesn't have to worry about the book. I'm not going to try to make him look bad. I just wanted to get this scandal behind me, so I can get on with my life.

C.J.

Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Well... I'm gonna call it Full Disclosure. What do you think? Good title?

C.J.

Am I going to be in the book?

Yes. Not mentioning you would be kind of strange, don't you think? I mean, next to the President and the Vice President, you're the most visible person working in the White House.

C.J.

I'd prefer not to be.

C.J., you've got nothing to worry about, I promise.

C.J.

What are you going to do in the campaign when the stories start coming out?

Those stories?

C.J.

No. The other women.

I haven't decided to run, I really...

C.J.

Because there have been other women, right? Lots of women, right? Because the way you came on to me... way too smooth, way too practiced.

C.J., that was ten years ago. I'm sorry...

C.J.

When you run for President, the press is going to find some of those women. And if you try to attack them, if you get your opposition research team working on them, if you try to destroy them, if you try to say they're all bimbos and liars, then I'll be standing right there with them, and I'll be ready to take anything you or your people throw at me, anything. So don't make me tell the truth about you because it will be the whole truth.

Abbey

Would you like me to do interviews with the Press Corps?

CJ

God, no. They're the most cynical bastards on the planet. You need to get beyond the Washington echo chamber and speak right to the people.

Toby

This conversation would be a whole lot easier if I weren't fighting my way through a cloud of Obsession.

CJ

There's no cloud.

Toby

It's about to precipitate out. It's about to rain Obsession.

Abbey

So, what was it? The tube top to meet the Queen of England, or the low-rise jeans with the North Korean delegation?

CJ

Mrs. Bartlet, the press didn't know what to make of you before the MS became public. You've never been the traditional hat-knitting President's wife.

Abbey

Oh, shoot. Was that in the handbook? Maybe just get me a photographer and seven years' worth of yarn.

Josh

Sir, have you read the talking points?

Bartlet

I'm an economist. Some would say half-decent. I don't need a primer on this.

Charlie

Due respect,sir, your answers on economics can be a bit---

Bartlet

Polysyllabic?

CJ

Academic.

Leo

I was going to go with incomprehensible.

CJ

Say you're from Minnesota.

Toby

I'm from Minnesota.

CJ

No, we're pretending you're from there.

Toby

We're not actually.

CJ

And you'd like prescription drugs from Canada.

Toby

What do I have?

CJ

Not important.

Toby

It could be clouding my judgment.

CJ

You're no fun anymore.

Toby

I'm having fun.

Kate

One reason some people say nothing can happen till these guys are gone is the feeling they both may be stuck in old attitudes or assumptions. There was a time when Palestinians and all Arabs wanted to drive Jews into the sea, but some would argue that time's past.

Will

Listen to some Arab broadcasts.

C.J.

Rabble-rousing to distract their street.

Kate

I'm not sure any credible Arab leader truly expects Israel's demise anymore, not even the Chairman.

Leo

Don't be so sure.

Kate

Well, there's a view that...

Will

Don't keep saying "Some argue" and "There's a view." Can we restrict it to your view?

Kate

Okay. Palestinians are no longer fighting to destroy the Jewish state. They're fighting for a state of their own, a revolutionary struggle against an occupying force, and revolutionaries will outlast and out-die occupiers every time.

Will

I don't know if that's more simplistic or naive.

Toby

It's tribal. It can't be solved. It's Hatfield and McCoy and there is no end.

The cuts aren't reflective of the President's attitude on military response in Gaza?

CJ

The cuts are reflective of the fact that Toby Ziegler has never written a five-minute speech in his life.

C.J.

You ever look around and think 'If we're the ones in charge, this country's in a hell of a lot of trouble?'

Toby

'Til I spend time with the other guys.

Bartlet

I'll make this quick. I don't know if I'm comfortable working this closely with a woman. Maybe it's time for me to call it a day, give the VP a chance to steer the ship.

Bartlet

[to Toby] You're weak. You have a weak will. You should have held it. See if she pulled out the Continuity of Government plan.

Will

He cracked up at the mere suggestion of the VP...

Toby

[Still giggling uncontrollably] I had a whole thing on spending time with my kids, I went up.

CJ

You are bad, bad men.

Bartlet

In the service of a vengeful god.

Will

On behalf of the Vice President and myself and every man who's ever had a Wonder Woman fantasy, it's a bright day.

CJ

Get out.