TV show quotes
What are you talking about? We do a lot of fun things together.
Oh, yeah, we have a ball. There's nothing better than sitting on the couch watching TV, bitching about our kids during commercials.
Come on, that's not all we do.
That's true. Sometimes we bitch about our jobs, too.
(to Vicky) I promise I'll get him to stop seeing her. (cut scene) You know, sometimes I feel horrible about lying right to my wife's face. This is not one of those times.
Relax, Dave. It's one game of Dungeons & Dragons.
Oh, no, there's no one game of Dungeons & Dragons. Okay, once you start that game, you're hooked, okay? It's like crack for losers.
Now go to your room and stay there.
I'm being sent to my room for getting beaten up?
Yes.
This is completely unfair!
All right, one more word out of you and I'm gonna make you play basketball.
(Larry runs off)
What's going on?
I'm gay.
Excuse me?
I'm gay.
No, you're not.
Yeah, I am.
No, you're not.
Yeah, he is!
Hey, Dad, can I have $40? I need it so I can take out this girl.
Oh, hey, here's 50 bucks. And some Tic Tacs.
No, thanks. I don't need those.
Oh, yeah, you do. So, who's the girl?
Actually, it's two girls.
Two girls for $50? Wow, that's half what you usually pay.
Well, I guess your mom works cheap. (laughs)
Larry, Larry, for the last time, making "your mom" jokes to your own brother, it just defeats the whole purpose.
If Kenny's the gay one, how come Larry's the drama queen?
I'm just saying Kenny's acting like he's fine, but I can tell he's crying on the inside.
Good. That's where he should cry. That's where I've been crying for the last 30 years, and it hasn't hurt me any. (opens a beer and drinks it)
Hasn't hurt the beer industry, either.
Wow, I can't remember the last time you made these.
I do. It was four years ago, the last time we had family movie night, which I'm excited to say, I am re-instating starting tonight.
Ugh! Why? Sweetie, why are you doing this to me? I already hate Monday through Friday. You got to ruin Sunday now?
I have to prepare for my interview.
All right. You gonna go think up some good things to say to them?
No, Dad, I'm gonna focus on what's important: picking out an outfit.
Hey, Vicky, what the hell's going on with Hillary? You know, she bought herself some expensive cell phone that I know she can't afford.
Oh, no. You don't think she's shoplifting, do you?
No, no. I mean, she wears her clothes so tight, I mean, where would she hide anything? I don't know, but she's up to something, okay? Something's going on with her. Haven't you noticed that she's always on the phone, she's always text messaging, and she's being so secretive?
Oh, my God! You don't think she's... a teenager?
There he is! The greatest dad in the world!
You're not getting any more money.
I hate you!
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on the roof.
Hey, I don't want you going up there to smoke pot.
Oh, I'm not. I'm going to throw myself off it.
(to Larry) You got busted with pot? What the hell's the matter with you? You know, I'm ashamed to call you my son. (cut scene) All right, the truth is, this is actually the first time I feel like he really is my son.
So, Mom, when's the wedding?
It's two weeks from today.
And we want you all to be there.
Well, of course we're all going to be there.
Yeah, I can't think of any reason why we wouldn't. (cut scene) But two weeks should be enough time for me to come up with something
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The War at Home pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
