Vicky quotes from The War at Home

Vicky

Hillary's been moody and crying since she was 12. Where have you been?

Vicky

(to Dave) Come on, honey. When we got married, it was for better or for worse and I guess I'm just getting better and you're getting worse!

Vicky

Yeah, they're thinking, "Who's this creep staring at my boobs?"

Vicky

I'm no expert, but isn't that what being Jewish is all about?

Vicky

If Kenny's the gay one, how come Larry's the drama queen?

Vicky

(to Dave about Larry) Okay, so one time he wore women's clothing.

Dave

One time we know about.

Vicky

Remember, last year, he wanted to be a rock star? He quit guitar lessons after two weeks. You know, it's possible that this whole cross-dressing thing is just an experimental phase.

Dave

Well, why doesn't he just experiment with drugs like every other teenager?

Dave

Well, you do have to admit that there are probably less black people applying to Yale. Right? So, I'd imagine that they'd probably have to keep a certain number of spots open for you guys.

What are you saying -- I got into Yale because of affirmative action? Because I have never gotten any advantage for being black, not one.

Dave

No, I didn't say anything about affirmative action. Did I say anything about that? Come on, it's not like I was calling you a token.

A what?! You think I'm a token?

Dave

No, no, no, I said you weren't a token. Don't be so sensitive, Omar.

Oh, so now I'm an overly sensitive token. Okay. You know what? I've had enough. I think we should go.

Vicky

No, no, it's okay.

Dave

No, no, no, Vicky. If he wants to go, let him go. He said he didn't even want to come here today. You know, I think he might be a little bit of a racist.

Dave

(to Vicky about Omar) Why should I apologize to him?

Vicky

Because this is Hillary's boyfriend's family and after the way you acted, I wouldn't be surprised if they never even let him see her again.

Dave

Good! Good. Then this barbecue wasn't all for nothing.

Vicky

Okay, fine. You know what? Do it. Don't do it. It's your decision.

Dave

Huh! And what? If I don't apologize, you're going to what? Like, withold sex from me?

Vicky

No, why should I be punished? I'll have sex with you, but don't expect me to talk to you.

Dave

You know, sex with no talking, that's, uh, not exactly a threat, Vicky.

Vicky

Come on, she's not an idiot.

Dave

You fell for it!

Vicky

Well, you know, you probably just take after your dad's side of the family. You do have two sets of genes, you know.

Dave

Hey, don't blame me. Okay? Even the men on my side of the family have big boobs.

Dave

Oh, that must be Mike playing with his BB gun.

Vicky

His what?

Dave

Ah, you know, he's been begging me for one, so I finally got it for him.

Vicky

Dave! Why didn't you ask me first?

Dave

Same reason I never asked her for a three-way. She would've just said no.

Mike

Hey, this is for you.

Dave

(reads paper) A meeting with the principal? (to Vicky) Hey, this is for you.

Vicky

What did you do this time?

Mike

Nothing.

Dave

The last time you did nothing, it took four months for Larry to grow his hair back.

Vicky

Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? I'm cleaning up. Jodi's gonna be here any second. I don't want her to think we live like animals.

Dave

Yeah, God forbid your slutty, drunkie friend looks down on us.

Vicky

Well, all three times I had to tell you that, I made you a nice meal and got you all liquored up first.

Dave

Yeah, well, I'm hungry and sober, so...

Vicky

I'm not pregnant.

Dave

Thank God! Wait a second. Why would you even think you're pregnant? You're on the pill, right? You are on the pill, aren't you?

Vicky

Technically, no.

Dave

Technically? Vicky, come on, I don't want "technically." Okay, we already have three accidents. I mean, Allstate won't even insure that uterus, okay?

Vicky

We know that, you idiot!

Dave

Yeah, what's the matter with you, huh? How can you do something like that?

Vicky

You scared us!

Dave

How are we supposed to know when there's something's really wrong with you, you moron!