What's more important: my mother's happiness or a free trip to the Caribbean?
Vicky, I know what answer you're hoping to hear, but we both know which one is going to come out of my mouth.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Hey, remember how you said me sticking up for Kenny was a wonderful thing?
(raising her wine glass) Yeah.
Well, Social Services is on their way here to take him away. By the way, it might not be a bad idea if you weren't drinking when they got here.
Can you believe these kids?
What can I say? Your sperm and my eggs, it's a powerful combination, honey.
It certainly defeated every form of birth control we tried.
I don't know about you two, but I'm sick and tired of working for that douche bag. I mean, when's it going to be my turn to be the boss and have people call me the douche bag?
JJoe
Apparently, a lot of people around here already think you're the boss.
Hey, look, I found my old notebook with all my old rhymes in it.
You held on to that, and yet you threw away any picture of me before the age of ten.
I was doing you a favor. You were not a photogenic child.
You have no idea what it's like to have an unsupportive father like that.
I'm sure it could cause some real damage.
You have no idea, freak show. No idea.
Yeah, but I thought Mom and Dad were happy.
Really? Douchebag and Skank never struck you as odd pet names?
We need to choose somebody who would have guardianship over the kids.
Look, I don't care that much about them now, all right? You think I'm going to care about them when I'm dead?
What the hell are you doing sitting by the trash cans?
Just hanging out.
Oh, I know I told you you were garbage before, but I didn't mean it literally.
(after sees Taye & Hillary kissing) Yo! Father in the room! Hey, Taye, let me tell you something. The only thing you should be kissing in this house is my ass.
Alright, I've been up all night brainstorming, and I think you're both going to be very pleased.
Wow, you know, this is the first time I've ever been excited about having a little brother since they brought you home from the hospital and I realized that no one would pay any attention to me ever again... (pauses) So what do you got?
Think, Fink. This is your opportunity to be rid of Hillary Gold once and for all. And if I were you, I'd be attaching a rocket to her ass and shooting her out into space. I mean, seriously, do you really want this girl in your school a minute longer than necessary.
PFPrincipal Fink
You know, I never quite thought of it like that. Okay!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The War at Home pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.