BABea [Arthur's mom]
Play safe with your new friends, dear.
Arthur, Interrupted
I must say, I find your sister strangely compelling. Do you think she'd care to go —
What? NO! She's married. She's got two kids.
Oh — yes, I thought I knew that scent! A soccer mommy! It's my only weakness.
Toilets... don't... talk. They DON'T!
Well, that's a "maybe" in my book.
[Tick pours some drain cleaner into the toilet]
Not so talky with a belly full of HELL are we?
How did you find me?
I just walked around and yelled a lot.
Wow. That is icky to infinity.
The License
Directed by Craig Zisk. Written by Larry Charles.
PPoliceman
Cap'n Liberty, what do we got?
What do we got? What are you, blind? What does it look like we got? We got a guy stuck halfway up a robot's ass. That's what we got.
[Captain Liberty discusses dating problems with fellow superheroine Medusa.]
I mean, what are our choices? On the one hand, you've got a bunch of musclebound mutants who think that just because they can bend steel, we're supposed to bend over... and the civilians, well, they're afraid we're gonna zap 'em with a ray and shrink their johnson!
LCLicense Clerk
I haven't got all day
Well we do Thelma, you can have half of ours! We'll share!
[At the police station, Tick meets a woman who claims he's her husband.]
Oh, Ted... Ted!
You hear that, Arthur? Ted!
I've been worried to death!
Oh, you poor zombie... that's no way to die.
[showing a photo] Here we are at the Grand Canyon. Do you remember being at the Grand Canyon?
TTTick/Ted
I remember vaguely making the Grand Canyon.
And here we are at the Eiffel Tower.
TTTick/Ted
I fell...
No, "Eiffel"
TTTick/Ted
You fell?
So, Arthur, how is your life post-Tick? And be prepared — if your answer is not scintillating, my interest will rapidly wane.
In my experience, there's only one guaranteed way to ever really know the truth - you must create it yourself.
And how do you do that?
Lie.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Tick (live-action) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.