Arthur, Mr. Fishladder and others in “Pilot”

Arthur

Mister-Mister Fishladder!

Arthur... it is still "Arthur", isn't it? Arthur, my time is worth seventeen dollars a second. I want an explanation, and I want it to cost less than fifteen hundred dollars. Go!

Arthur

Oh. Uh, well, it's a little hard to explain —

Fifty-one dollars.

Arthur

Mr. Fishladder, I have been living a lie. I am more than just a mild-mannered accountant. Now, I do good work for this firm and I value my job. It's just... my entire life has become nothing but numbers and deductions and IRA's.

Two hundred fifty-five dollars.

Arthur

Granted, I have been doing my parents' tax returns since I was six — but even then I knew I had a higher calling. I can't hide from it any longer. I —

Don't say it!

Arthur

I am going to become a superhero! You know... part-time, at first...

Christ in heaven, look at yourself! You're built like a sensible shoe! You shouldn't be jumping around in a body-sock fighting crime!

Arthur

Well, I haven't actually fought any crime yet.

Good! Keep it that way! Crime fights back! Remember the lesson of Metcalf.

Arthur

Metcalf?

METCALF! Head of Shipping and Receiving, third floor. Metcalf! He lost all his game pieces just like you, cashed in his 401k, and bought a jetpack. Now the poor bastard needs a machine — to POOP!

Arthur

Mr. Fishladder, I know that sort of thing can happen, but —

But you're gonna ride this thing out to the bloody, gruesome end, aren't you?

Arthur

Well, maybe not all the way to the end but... you know, for a while. Mr. Fishladder, I have to try.

Time's up. Here's the way I see it: you're either a man with a job or an idiot in a bunny suit. You can't be both - not at Worldwide Fishladder & Sons. So what's it gonna be, huh?

Arthur

They may call us an accountant, but we can't deny our true nature... even if all our friends and relatives tell us we're good at math. The hero's life - our destiny!