Tick quotes from The Tick (live-action)

Tick

That petty criminal needs a good swift kick in his bad-pants!

Tick

Somewhere, that petty criminal is laughing at us, rolling in his ill-gotten booty. And he should laugh — 'cause we stink. Smells like everybody's smoking feet.

Tick

Arthur is broken! Gimme two hundred cc's of tender loving care, stat!

Tick

Say, you think you could soup him up a bit?

Excuse me?

Tick

Maybe give him a metal arm with a laser in it, or something.

Arthur

Yes. I'm anal retentive. Fine. Believe me, I would change that if I could.

Tick

Good Lord, man, retain that anus! One day its fruit may be the only thing that stands between us and total oblivion!

Aw, leave me alone. I'm a hundred and twelve years old, I'm done.

Tick

Don't be an Adolf Quitler!

You think you can take me, do ya?

Tick

You got that right, you big weenie.

Bah! I'll fold you into my wallet and spend you on a whore!

That tears it! I'm gonna tuck you in for a dirt nap, you Betty!

Arthur

We are not triumphant! All we did was crank-call an old man and-and give him a heart attack.

Tick

Wasn't Plan A, but it did the trick.

Do you want to go to dinner tomight?

Arthur

Very badly. But I'll have to —

Change? Don't you dare!

Arthur

You... want me to wear the suit?

Definitely! Dinner with a superhero — who wouldn't wanna be me tonight?

Tick

Well, Zordox, for one... Kid Psycho... the A-Hole...

The Tick

The life of a superhero is a lonely one, filled with hardship and danger. The few who answer the call must leave comfort, safety, and often sanity behind. But someone's gotta stand the heat and stay in the kitchen. Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong. This is that someone's story.

Tick

He stands in silence — stoic, godlike — the mysterious blue avenger who has become legend to the simple folk of this bus station. But glory will not distract him from his vigil.

Tick

Stand back, citizen! So, vending menace, we meet again. (to commuter, while flipping coin return lever) Did ya jiggle the thingie? (he heaves machine off the ground, shaking it and pounding it against the wall) Armless bandit! Empty your bladder of that bitter black urine men call coffee! It has its price and that price has been paid! (he slams machine back onto the ground; it delivers a cup of coffee) Java devil, you are now my bitch. Well, here you are, weary traveler, one steaming hot cup of justice. No need to thank me, it's my sworn duty to defend this bus station from the ravages of evil.

Tick

Well, Destiny honks the horn of Gotta Go. To the City!

Who was that blue stranger?

Tick

He was — the Tick!

Arthur

I'm not moth-man, I'm not a superhero... I'm not even an accountant anymore! I'm just Arthur.

Tick

Arthur, listen to me carefully. I believe in you! I always have! That's why I'm here. Destiny dressed you this morning my friend, and now Fear is trying to pull off your pants. If you give up, if you give in, you're gonna end up naked with Fear just standing there laughing at your dangling unmentionables!

Tick

...and that's how we defeated our first supervillain, and how Arthur learned to fly, and how we gave Jimmy Carter a mild concussion.

Arthur

We saved an ex-president!

Tick

Yet the evening's greatest victory is the partnership forged between this heroic duo! Friends to the end — bonded together by the Krazy-Glue of justice! Til death to they part!

Arthur

Toilets... don't... talk. They DON'T!

Tick

Well, that's a "maybe" in my book.

Arthur

How did you find me?

Tick

I just walked around and yelled a lot.

I haven't got all day

Tick

Well we do Thelma, you can have half of ours! We'll share!

Oh, Ted... Ted!

Tick

You hear that, Arthur? Ted!

I've been worried to death!

Tick

Oh, you poor zombie... that's no way to die.

[showing a photo] Here we are at the Grand Canyon. Do you remember being at the Grand Canyon?

I remember vaguely making the Grand Canyon.