Dutch Wagenbach quotes from The Shield

Dutch

You want me to fly solo?

Shane

Nah, man, looks like this is the only action I'm gonna get today.

Dutch

Excuse me?

Shane

You know the "I lost my husband tragically but I'm still young and hot and in need of an emotional release" kind of sex. Whoo!

Dutch

You're kidding, right?

Shane

What? Oh, you never covered some accident or homicide and gone back a month later for a "statement"? [laughs] This one's been hanging on the vine for a year, man--she is ripe!

Claudette

I learned some interesting things.

Dutch

So did I. You were a classical dancer when you were a teenager?

Claudette

Okay, my father is now off-limits to you. Where is he?

Dutch

How could you not share that?

Claudette

I only studied nine months.

Dutch

In Paris!

Claudette

Here, do your thing with these and stop stalking me.

Dutch

[reading what Sean wrote on the board] Detective Wagenbach craves respect, fantasizes about being well liked, yet shows no outward manifestation of his low self-esteem. Feels ignored, unappreciated, inadequate with women.

Ah, it's just off some first impressions, but I'll stand by it.

Claudette

Maybe you'd like to read my palms too.

Dutch

Let me draw you a picture, Sean. This is your aunt’s house. This is the porch. And this, this is the crawlspace Pasadena PD just dug two bodies out of. How many more are we gonna find, Sean? Five? Ten?

[scoffing] 17.

Claudette

17?

Shane

[watching on TV with the entire force, all in shock] Jesus Christ.

That's just under the crawl space, you know? The other ones I dumped. I ran out of room under my aunt's house.

Dutch

It's pathetic.

What is?

Dutch

How typical you are. Soon as you're caught, you try to be special.

I killed 22 people. 23, if you wanna count the hunting accident back in Rockford. Oh, I'm special, all right.

Dutch

If you're so special, how come a lowly civil servant like me just caught you?

Dutch

That was some slide. Impact dragged him 75 feet.

Claudette

Maybe you wanna call Guiness.

Dutch

Nah. Record's something like over 30 miles. This isn't even a footnote.

Wagenbach, what the hell are you doing just sitting at your desk?

Dutch

I'm... I'm working a hit and run.

Well, stop. We got cops bleeding out in the streets. Half the district's on fire. There is no other case.

Do you have that file for me?

Dutch

[while on the phone, in a dismissive tone] I'll get it to you soon.

When I ask for something I ask politely because that's my nature, but when you make me ask a second time I loose my patience. This squad has been the epicenter of police corruption, civil law suites, and, most recently, a riot. The people I work for want answers. They expect me to get them. [Dutch hangs up the phone] I have the power to recommend changes, get people fired, even shut down this entire building if it's warranted! Do you understand what I'm saying detective!?

Dutch

Yes Ma'am.

[calms down] Good. Uhmm... [laughs] if you could get me the Gilroy file, I would really appreciate it.

Dutch

Sure.

Thank you.

Dutch

You failed the GSR, Barney.

Oh, really? Can I take it again?

Dutch

[incredulous] No!

Dutch

If you knew you shot her, why did you agree to the residue test?

Well, if I didn't take it, I'd look guilty. And, you said it was a government test, so I figured, how reliable could it be?

Dutch

If someone were trying to keep her alive, how long could she survive?

With a tourniquet and basic medical knowledge, indefinitely.

Dutch

Until he tired of his domination and control Dr. Mengele experiments and decided to squeeze the last breath out of her so he could watch.

See, this is why you and me can't date.

Claudette

Should I be worried about you?

Dutch

Not about me. Maybe about the rest of humanity... bunch of sociopathic little narcissists out for ourselves. Begging... stealing... lying... screwing... raping... killing our babies. Whatever it takes to have a good time and save our own asses. I can't even believe in an old woman who's too sick to feed herself, and it's not sad... it's not some big surprise. It's just nature. We're animals... nothing more. And ya' know what? I'm learning to be OK with that.

Dutch

Bob said it was your idea to cut the arm off.

Yeah. After that she wasn't so pretty.

Claudette

[about Dutch closing a murder case] Nice job.

Dutch

Don't sound so surprised.

Claudette

Well, I was just worried about you for a little while.

Dutch

Should've had more faith in me.

Aceveda

Nice work.

Dutch

[smugly] I know.

Aceveda

I'm glad.

Dutch

You should be. I break cases nobody else in this division can. I deserve a little more damn respect than I've been getting around here lately. You wanted me to close a case without incident? I did it. [throws his coat over his shoulder, and struts off cockily]

Aceveda

I guess he's back.

Claudette

I guess so.

Aceveda

Wagenbach?

Dutch

Yeah. Hi, I'm Dutch...

Aceveda

You're two hours late.

Dutch

What? At Sunset detectives start at 9.

Aceveda

You start here at 7.

Dutch

Yes sir. I didn't realize...

Aceveda

You're lucky there's a desk left.

Dutch

That's by the kitchen and the women's restroom. Is there anything else?

Aceveda

There was at 7.

Dutch

A transsexual or a cross-dresser?

Is there a difference?

Dutch

Yeah, a pretty big one.