Lem Lemansky quotes from The Shield

We're all gonna crash and burn because of you! I mean...Christ, dude, Amy's not even that hot!

[bumping his head on a cross] Jesus Christ. [Looking at Jesus's face on cross] God damnit! I didn't mean that.

That is the hottest chick there ever was, man!

Her? That's a par. Got me another in Detroit, goddamn BIRDIE.

Shane

Big deal, she's probably spread her legs for half the league.

Too bad you can't make a jump shot.

Vic

What'd you get on Gilroy?

Shane

Checked out that hideaway in the hills...

Vic

And?

Mistress never checked in to those bungalows.

Vic

Another lie. What the hell is he doing?

Maybe he stashed her someplace else.

Shane

Or slashed her someplace else.

Vic

Oh, Jesus Christ!

I always took Gilroy for a quiet drunk.

Shane

It's the quiet ones you gotta worry about. [edit]

[about Ronnie's skin graft] They took the skin from his ass!

Ronnie

Left cheek and upper-thigh

Shane

Oh, these jokes are just writing themselves.

What the hell they talking about?

Shane

Like I speak European Hick.

They killed these Armenians looking for our money train cash.

Shane

This means they still think it was an inside job.

Ronnie

What happens when they run out of feet and realize it was an outside job?

Vic

There's only four people who know we took that money, and they're all sitting right here. Stick to the plan.

Vic

I hope you got something for a headache. [Throws warrant in his face] Cause I'm it.

It's a regular Rite-Aid in here Lonzo.

My lawyer's gonna read dis warrant. If there is even an apostrophe missing... POOF!

Vic

Why don't you roll the dice on a 20-year stretch, see how good we spellchecked. Or can get your ass on the phone with Garza, and tell him you got new shipments of Asian-Coke you're selling at deep discounts. POOF!

We're 7-G's short, just like Ronnie said.

Vic

And the lock?

Ronnie

Not a scratch.

Besides, who's gonna steal seven-grand and leave a fortune behind? [Vic and Lem sit down] So which one of us did it?...Huh?

Vic

None of us did it. Look this whole Tommy thing has got us all a little raw.

Ronnie reported the money missing.

Ronnie

Lem didn't even want to steal it in the first place.

[about Shane] So when you gonna talk to him?

Vic

The dead guy watched me shove a bong down his buddy's windpipe.

Shane

Twenty bucks says his buddy's one of the shooters.

Come on, a Captain in the middle of the night, and he runs into them? That's a pretty big coincidence.

Vic

Unless it's not a coincidence. (Body gets carried out) What if these are the guys Diagur sent to get the money out of the freezer?

What, the ones you told him to send over?

Shane

Well if it's true, then these are the assholes who kicked the shit out of Aceveda. Took his gun. Which means he was tracking them here when this thing went down.

And he might track them right back to us and that marked cash.

Vic

Let's not get premenstrual until we talk to Diagur.

Dude, what was that back in the clubhouse?

Shane

Just because we're on this team, doesn't mean we can't become a problem. If there's one thing Vic's good at, it's solving problems.

Dude, Vic's never gonna kick you off the Team.

Shane

Hey, if Vic ever thought that me and Mara were becoming a problem, you'd let me know wouldn't you?

Vic

What are you doing!?!

Keeping us safe!

Shane

Put the goddamn money down Lem!

Vic

This won't help us.

Look, if there's no money to find, Aceveda and the Feds can't touch us!

Shane

Lem, back off. [draws his gun] Back goddamn off right now! [Everyone holds still] Back off man, I mean it.

Ronnie

Shane...

Shane...put down the gun.

Vic

SHANE!

Shane

Please man, don't do this man. Please.

Vic

It's gonna be alright. I promise.

Ronnie

Come on man, I mean COME ON MAN!

You guys, you guys are the only family I got, alright? I'm not gonna let any of us go to prison.

Vic

That's a decision for the four of us to make, not just you.

I've always gone along with everything you ever wanted, and all it's done is get us deeper and deeper into shit.

Vic

STOP IT!

Just let me finish this please.

I got a bunch of receipts here.

Vic

For what?

Uh, for dry cleaning.

Vic

What else?

Uh, for thousands of dollars on these oriental rugs.

Ronnie

You don't dry clean oriental rugs!

Ronnie

My...my mom had some. She made me hand-clean 'em when I was a kid.

Kavanaugh

We've both been through enough of these. So I can be straight with you. Yeah?

Sure

Kavanaugh

Every guilty suspect that you've ever interviewed started with... Denial. Right?

So did the innocent ones.

Vic

I feel like there's some unfinished business between us.

What's that?

Vic

It's this Terry thing. You thought I was hiding something from you. Here's the truth... I swept through that house. I cleared that bathroom. At least I thought I did. Somehow Two-Time got past me. I left Terry exposed... I made a mistake. I never told anybody. I thought it was my fault. That's something I've been living with for a long time now. Finally, I decided to move on. Something you're gonna have to push past too.

Yeah.

Vic

Okay. [Lem looks Vic in the eye and shakes his hand]