Dutch Wagenbach quotes from The Shield

Dutch

[After failing to catch Eduardo] HEY! San Salvador's that way!!!

Dutch

Oh, you've gotta be shittin' me.

Dutch

[attempting to anger a suspect] You couldn't take a lie detector test if you wanted to because it couldn't fit around that fat wrist of yours.

Dutch

If my tone sounds superior, it's because I'm American and you're Greek!

Dutch

This is a guy who raped a woman, didn't leave a single hair fiber. No. Not only have I been chasing the wrong guy, I caught him.

Dutch

[about public defenders] Having a thankless job is bad enough, getting shot for it is just insulting.

Dutch

[to Claudette] The only reason I was hanging around here was because we were partners, and now that’s gone. I’d just like to move on.

Dutch

Walter Chatton was a contemporary of Occam; disputed the razor. Coined his own anti-razor. Chatton believed that the world was too complex; there are too many variables to assume the simplest answer was always the correct one.

Dutch

[about a dead body] Christ, you don't see a rack like that everyday

Claudette

You wanna give them a squeeze?

I killed her. I killed my sweet Nancy! What did I do that for?

Dutch

'Cause you like crack?

Dutch

What do you do for fun with all that free time?

I have some hobbies.

Dutch

I know, nice sperm collection.

Vic

Dutch, how many times I gotta tell you--you can't feel up the victims.

Dutch

She took one in the ass, but it's--

Vic

--not the first time. Right. That's a good one.

Dutch

This investigation runs through me. You find anything, report it immediately!

Vic

If I bring the guy in, you'll be the first to know, Dutchboy!

I need someone to listen to me.

Dutch

I'm busy at the moment, but maybe one of the uniforms--

I said I need someone to listen to me!

Dutch

...Okay. Did you want to report a crime?

I've lost track of all the crimes.

Dutch

I don't underst--

I've lived in this neighborhood all my life keeping my complaints to myself. But no more. My apartment has been broken into seven time in the last four years. SEVEN TIMES! And you never catch anyone! You have got graffiti and cuss words on every single wall that you see. I've got needles on my sidewalk, beer cans on my lawn, and I stopped ducking at the sound of gunshots years ago. We can drop smart bombs down chimneys half a world away, but some sicko gets released from jail because of a computer screwup and rapes my niece! How does this make sense? I see that yellow police tape everywhere that I go. And it's all sirens and helicopters and search lights... You got mothers killing their children, children killing strangers, and maniacs flying airplanes into buildings -- and I just want life to go back to the way it should have been! [Pause] What are you doing to make us feel safe?

Dutch

What the hell am I supposed to talk to Shane Vendrell about all day?

Claudette

It's good to shake things up once in a while.

Dutch

I don't want to shake things up, I want my partner back.

Claudette

Aren't you sweet. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Dutch

You're gonna miss me too, right?