Ronnie Gardocki quotes from The Shield

Ronnie

[Rolls open a carpet to find a bunch of heroin] Oh, I want the rest of the day off!

Ronnie

[to Shane] We don't need you dragging us into yet another Vendrell shitpile special.

Vic

Is there anything you're not allergic to?

Ronnie

Sheet metal.

You guys aren't trying to pull one of your pranks, are you?

Ronnie

No no no, I really want to move.

Right, and a man is just as good as a vibrator. What are you up to?

[about Ronnie's skin graft] They took the skin from his ass!

Ronnie

Left cheek and upper-thigh

Shane

Oh, these jokes are just writing themselves.

They killed these Armenians looking for our money train cash.

Shane

This means they still think it was an inside job.

Ronnie

What happens when they run out of feet and realize it was an outside job?

Vic

There's only four people who know we took that money, and they're all sitting right here. Stick to the plan.

Vic

We're working late tomorrow night boys. You got any plans, change 'em.

Ronnie

[Sarcastically] Uh, I got tickets to Journey! What's going on?

Vic

We're getting the marked money list out of Aceveda's safe.

We're 7-G's short, just like Ronnie said.

Vic

And the lock?

Ronnie

Not a scratch.

Besides, who's gonna steal seven-grand and leave a fortune behind? [Vic and Lem sit down] So which one of us did it?...Huh?

Vic

None of us did it. Look this whole Tommy thing has got us all a little raw.

Ronnie reported the money missing.

Ronnie

Lem didn't even want to steal it in the first place.

[about Shane] So when you gonna talk to him?

Hello, you've reached the Police Department's main switchboard. Please listen carefully to the following options. To be connected to a supervisor, because one of our jackbooted thugs mistreated you, and you want his goddamn badge, press one.

Ronnie

Cop I know sent it to me.

If you committed a crime you think you can bullshit your way out of, press two. [Cops laugh]

Ronnie

It's great, isn't it?

Vic

If you shut up and let us listen.

If you're shirtless and threatening your girlfriend with a knife, and don't want one of our officers interfering with "true love," press three.

Danny

Priceless.

To report an act of racial profiling, put down your crack pipe and press four. [group laughs] If you can't locate one of your seven unsupervised, fatherless children, press five.

Vic

What are you doing!?!

Keeping us safe!

Shane

Put the goddamn money down Lem!

Vic

This won't help us.

Look, if there's no money to find, Aceveda and the Feds can't touch us!

Shane

Lem, back off. [draws his gun] Back goddamn off right now! [Everyone holds still] Back off man, I mean it.

Ronnie

Shane...

Shane...put down the gun.

Vic

SHANE!

Shane

Please man, don't do this man. Please.

Vic

It's gonna be alright. I promise.

Ronnie

Come on man, I mean COME ON MAN!

You guys, you guys are the only family I got, alright? I'm not gonna let any of us go to prison.

Vic

That's a decision for the four of us to make, not just you.

I've always gone along with everything you ever wanted, and all it's done is get us deeper and deeper into shit.

Vic

STOP IT!

Just let me finish this please.

I got a bunch of receipts here.

Vic

For what?

Uh, for dry cleaning.

Vic

What else?

Uh, for thousands of dollars on these oriental rugs.

Ronnie

You don't dry clean oriental rugs!

Ronnie

My...my mom had some. She made me hand-clean 'em when I was a kid.

Vic

Still no Lem?

Shane

Left a second message. He's probably knee-deep in a booty call.

Ronnie

Hope he's gettin' the cop discount.

Shane

Yeah, I hear yours charges by the minute.

Ronnie

Hey, I get mine for free.

Vic

Must be seeing a charity worker.

Ronnie

You tell Leon he's in the clear?

Shane

Yeah, freak tried to hug me.

Vic

But you insisted on the blowjob.

Shane

You know, maybe he didn't do it, man.

Vic Mackey

If it wasn't Guardo, who was it?

Shane

Look at him, man. If he had a name, do you think he would have told us by now?

Ronnie

That just means he was acting alone.

Shane

Come on. This is crazy, man.

Vic

[yelling] He killed Lem! Do you remember his body, his face? Do you think you can just forget that? Huh? Don't you think he deserves to die for what he did?

Vic

[Ronnie enters clubhouse and Vic sees Ronnie's dog bite injury] Bite looks bad, how's the bark?

Ronnie

[sighs] Oh I just got my balls chewed off because we went in too quick and undermanned.

Vic

Look man I'm sorry. I had no choice.

Ronnie

We all had choices once, and we made them... and now we gotta live with them.

Vic

Ronnie, we're gonna get out of this quicksand.

Ronnie

No we're not. Jesus Vic everything we do to get out of this shit just drags us down deeper. And hanging with Shane is gonna push our heads under.

Vic

We need Shane right now.

Ronnie

I'm sick of walking around half the day smiling at a guy who put a grenade in Lem's lap.

Vic

Hey, you know what's at stake here for me.

Ronnie

I do, yeah. But I'm not gonna drown for Shane... or you.