Shane Vendrell quotes from The Shield

Shane

Better check your color, honky.

Man, I get more black ass than a bus bench in Compton.

Shane

Payback's a bitch.

Vic

Yeah, and karma's a whore.

Claudette

Track down whatever you can find. Run everything by me. And Vic, that renegade s--t’s not gonna fly on my watch, but you already knew that.

Shane

It looks like a new Sheriff just limped into town.

Shane

You know, maybe he didn't do it, man.

Vic Mackey

If it wasn't Guardo, who was it?

Shane

Look at him, man. If he had a name, do you think he would have told us by now?

Ronnie

That just means he was acting alone.

Shane

Come on. This is crazy, man.

Vic

[yelling] He killed Lem! Do you remember his body, his face? Do you think you can just forget that? Huh? Don't you think he deserves to die for what he did?

I didn't do it, I swear. He's got the wrong guy.

Shane

Yeah... I know.

Money. I give you money. Make you rich. What do you want?

Shane

Peace.

Shane

Hey, there, Gentlemen.

Hiatt

Well, someone had a good night.

Shane

Pregnancy sex is the best kind. Give you something to look forward to.

Hiatt

Thanks. I'll give Mara a call.

Shane

I need you to try and remember what these guys look like.

How long is this going to take? I got a golden shower client this afternoon, big tipper. I got to start drinking iced tea to get it the way he likes.

Shane

I'll be right back with the mug books and a Snapple.

Please, this is a holy place

Shane

Jesus can kiss my ass.

My people won't let you get away with this.

Shane

You don't have people. Kesakhian junior's in charge now, so your crew ain't happening. So if you keep causing trouble, she'll suffocate you on your own gonads.

Shane

Are you okay?

What was that?

Shane

[hears Jackson crying] Hold on. Hey, buddy, everything's fine. Look, I'm sorry.

A wash cloth in my mouth?

Shane

Vic would never do anything to hurt us.

He tied me up, and beat the shit out of you. Oh, what is that, the good-neighbor policy?

Shane

God damn. Smells like dog's ass in here. You boys get to swipe on some deodorant?

'Til my people stop getting slaughtered, I'll be interested in survival, not luxury.

Shane

What is it with you and whores?

Vic

Just tryin' to keep 'em from tempting you.

You try talking to white Farrah?

Shane

She's so spun out on crank, she doesn't know whether to piss standing up or sitting down.

Vic

Mackey

Shane

How you enjoying your freedom?

Vic

Breathing deep, breathing easy.

Shane

Yeah, not for long. You're about to get on your horse and ride to our rescue.

Vic

Let me check my schedule there, Shane. Oh, sorry, I'm booked through next weekend.

Shane

Do you think I'm joking, shithead? I'm in a jam, which means we're both in a jam.

Vic

Not anymore. I cut those strings, baby. You and Annie Oakley are officially on your own.

Shane

Bullshit.

Vic

Well, if it were bullshit, I'd be pulling your ass out of yet another Vendrell bear trap. You chew your own goddamn leg off from now on.

Shane

I don't think you're listening to me. I need something from you.

Vic

[Pulling up on a driveway] And you're not listening to me, Shane. Ronnie and I work for I.C.E. now. Yeah, I cut the deal last night. Full immunity for everything all of us ever did. I even used your little black book with all our dirty deeds as a guide. You forgot a few things. You know that?

Shane

[shocked] Bullshit.

Vic

Afraid not. Trouble with you, you're always trying to be as smart as me. Now I'm walking away clean, and you're the pathetic asshole headed for Antwon Mitchell Ville.

Shane

You know, you always thought you were twice the family man I was, right? The great dad, a loving, misunderstood husband, right? Your family loves you so much, Vic, why'd they turn on you, huh? Corrine's working with the cops, buddy. She answered one of our calls and handed the phone over to Claudette, who tried to get us to come in, with you as the big catch. [Vic is shocked, just as Ronnie arrives in his car] You know that? The mother of your children has been playing you. She would rather see you go to prison than to hug one of your own kids again. Whatever happens to me and Mara, at least we'll be together for it. Who you got, Vic? Tell me! Who you got?

Vic

[seething] When you and queen bitch are serving your mandatory life sentences apart, I'm gonna check in on Jackson and this other kid once a year on their birthdays. I'm gonna tell them some good old stories about ma and pa, muss their hair, take them out for an ice cream...

Shane

[angry] You don't even get to look at my kids! Ever! Do you understand that?!

Vic

Yeah, well, I'll send you a postcard from Space Mountain. [Vic hangs up the phone, while Shane angrily hangs up.]