Vic Mackey quotes from The Shield

This is a federal case, they had every right to know.

Vic

You blew our covert entry, put each one of my men in danger you sanctimonious little bitch.

I'll be sure to include that quote in my report.

Vic

Include whatever you'd like. And tell those amateurs you got following me they might as well take the rest of the day off!

Vic

The law only allows us so much latitude. These guys have rights too. I'm a cop. I have to honor that.

Well I'm not a cop.

Vic

That's true. Just the father looking out for his son. [William runs across the street] You check this guy for a weapon?

Shane

Yeah, patted him down.

Vic

Good, this guy is just looking for his kid. So let's be ready. [watches William pound on the door and punch the guy inside] Oh, that's a felony in progress...

Vic

What were you thinking?

Shane

Hey where I come from, when a guy's lady jams him up, his buddies go have a talk with her.

Vic

Not in the middle of the night, Jethro.

They killed these Armenians looking for our money train cash.

Shane

This means they still think it was an inside job.

Ronnie

What happens when they run out of feet and realize it was an outside job?

Vic

There's only four people who know we took that money, and they're all sitting right here. Stick to the plan.

Vic

I hope you got something for a headache. [Throws warrant in his face] Cause I'm it.

It's a regular Rite-Aid in here Lonzo.

My lawyer's gonna read dis warrant. If there is even an apostrophe missing... POOF!

Vic

Why don't you roll the dice on a 20-year stretch, see how good we spellchecked. Or can get your ass on the phone with Garza, and tell him you got new shipments of Asian-Coke you're selling at deep discounts. POOF!

Claudette

I talked to the hooker who got jumped. She's willing to build a case against her pimp.

Vic

I talked to her too, she's a liar!

Claudette

Then she should fit right in on your team!

Aceveda

What kinda contraband?

Vic

Drugs, cig`s, cock-rings, weapons of mass destruction. Who knows what?

Claudette

Trish will fill you in on operational details.

Vic

Just for the record, I have no problem working with the decoy squad. But we don't work for them.

Claudette

That's right... you work for me.

Vic

We're working late tomorrow night boys. You got any plans, change 'em.

Ronnie

[Sarcastically] Uh, I got tickets to Journey! What's going on?

Vic

We're getting the marked money list out of Aceveda's safe.

We're 7-G's short, just like Ronnie said.

Vic

And the lock?

Ronnie

Not a scratch.

Besides, who's gonna steal seven-grand and leave a fortune behind? [Vic and Lem sit down] So which one of us did it?...Huh?

Vic

None of us did it. Look this whole Tommy thing has got us all a little raw.

Ronnie reported the money missing.

Ronnie

Lem didn't even want to steal it in the first place.

[about Shane] So when you gonna talk to him?

May I help you?

Vic

Just gotta get my cornrows tightened.

Hey man, you hurt us, you hurt Kern.

Vic

Kern's licking caviar off a Czech whore's nipple. He won't be too hurt.

Aceveda

What is it?

Vic

My men are on the wrong scumbag.

Aceveda

How did you do that?

Vic

You and Wyms have had me buried with bullshit over the last couple of months. I'm out of touch

Aceveda

Oh what, so it's my fault?

Vic

Oh I'll bring in the right guy.

Aceveda

Good

Vic

But I'm never gonna let this happen again. I'm no good half in half out. Now you gotta make a choice. You either let me do what I do, or I'll pull the plug on the Strike Team. Take my boys to another part of town.

Vic

The dead guy watched me shove a bong down his buddy's windpipe.

Shane

Twenty bucks says his buddy's one of the shooters.

Come on, a Captain in the middle of the night, and he runs into them? That's a pretty big coincidence.

Vic

Unless it's not a coincidence. (Body gets carried out) What if these are the guys Diagur sent to get the money out of the freezer?

What, the ones you told him to send over?

Shane

Well if it's true, then these are the assholes who kicked the shit out of Aceveda. Took his gun. Which means he was tracking them here when this thing went down.

And he might track them right back to us and that marked cash.

Vic

Let's not get premenstrual until we talk to Diagur.

Hello, you've reached the Police Department's main switchboard. Please listen carefully to the following options. To be connected to a supervisor, because one of our jackbooted thugs mistreated you, and you want his goddamn badge, press one.

Ronnie

Cop I know sent it to me.

If you committed a crime you think you can bullshit your way out of, press two. [Cops laugh]

Ronnie

It's great, isn't it?

Vic

If you shut up and let us listen.

If you're shirtless and threatening your girlfriend with a knife, and don't want one of our officers interfering with "true love," press three.

Danny

Priceless.

To report an act of racial profiling, put down your crack pipe and press four. [group laughs] If you can't locate one of your seven unsupervised, fatherless children, press five.