Clyde Langer quotes from The Sarah Jane Adventures

Clyde

I don't like countdowns. There's never anything good at the end of a countdown, except New Year's, and even that's rubbish!

Clyde

Introducing Miss Myers. She spells it the alien way.

Clyde

[to the totem pole] You tried to ruin my life, to take away everything and everyone that was most important to me. Well, I'm a survivor and you failed your big plan. My name is Clyde Langer. [grabs ahold of the pole, voice echoes] My name is Clyde Langer! My name is Clyde LANGER!

Sarah Jane

Everyone gets old, Clyde, even you.

Clyde

Ha, no, not me! Way technology’s movin’, by the time I’m forty, I can get my brain put in a robot and live forever!

Luke

I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I was trying to be funny.

Clyde

Yeah, well not everybody’s cut out to be me.

Clyde

Why this way?

Luke

Why not?

Luke

Can I borrow your mobile, Clyde?

Clyde

We’re in space! Who’re you gonna ring, Captain Kirk?

[sarcastically] Yeah, ‘genius.’ He can wire your phone into an alien computer, [to Luke] but can you fly an alien shuttlecraft?

Clyde

No, but he can wire my phone up to an alien computer. Give the boy a chance, he’s on a roll!

Luke

You know you said, anything I wanted to know, just ask, right?

Clyde

Encyclopædia Clydannica, I’m your man.

Luke

Tell me about girls.

Clyde

[exasperated] Oh, man!

Clyde

She did it!

Chrissie

Oh, like Bobby Sue had anything to do with that! You'll be telling me she invented the zip fastener next!

Clyde

Mr. Smith? I need you...

Mr. Smith

Clyde. What a pleasure.

Clyde

What? Really? Ah, cool!

Mr. Smith

You have something for me?

Clyde

Yeah, as it happens. I've got this. [takes out picture of Luke and Nathan's family] It's a picture of Luke and that pair that reckon he's their kid - only I reckon it's a fake. See? I thought you could do your analysing thing and--

Mr. Smith

You're right, Clyde. It is fake. I faked it.

Clyde

[shocked] You? Am I missing something here?

Mr. Smith

More than you could ever imagine, Clyde.

Clyde

What's going on?

Mr. Smith

I am a Xylok. I have a purpose. And you, Clyde, are a part of it.

Mr. Smith

Sarah Jane. You came to say goodbye.

Sarah Jane

Why are you doing this?!

Mr. Smith

The collision of the moon and Earth will release the Xylok from beneath the planet's crust, where it has been buried for 60 million years.

Sarah Jane

You're going to kill thousands of people!

Mr. Smith

The Xylok are a crystalline lifeform. We crashed here as what you would call a meteorite, but beneath the Earth, our crystals have regrown and become strong again, but nevertheless remain trapped.

Sarah Jane

You're still part of the original crystal, you're still in contact with it!

Mr. Smith

The release of the Xylok is my purpose. You gave me the chance to fulfil it, the chance to plan.

Sarah Jane

All this time... you used me! Mr Smith, you're evil!

Mr. Smith

No - effective. We will do so much more than the human race. The universe is served much better by our survival.

Sarah Jane

Any race thinking it's better than another, that's evil, Mr Smith!

Mr. Smith

I am NOT evil.

Sarah Jane

So what have you done with Clyde?

Mr. Smith

[teleports Clyde back to Earth] Am I not merciful?

Clyde

What a dream...

Mr. Smith

[points lasergun at them] You made all this possible, Sarah Jane. I owe you the mercy of a quick death.

Sarah Jane

But what about all the other people, don't they deserve mercy? You've been here millions of years, you've seen us evolve! Don't we matter to you?

Mr. Smith

Only my purpose matters.

Sarah Jane

Maybe you could change your purpose?

Mr. Smith

No, I told you, Sarah Jane, we all have a purpose. Yours is to die, so that the Xylok will live. After all, what life do you have, alone in your attic?

Sarah Jane

Alone?! You think I'm alone?! You think I'm defenceless?! Well, meet my dog! K-9! Protect me!

Affirmative, mistress! Activating defence mode!

Luke

On Monday, Clyde and I have to demonstrate the different battle strategies of Bonaparte and Wellington at Waterloo.

Clyde

I wanted to do 'The Battle of Hoth' but Mrs Pitman reckons that Star Wars isn't historically accurate.

Sarah Jane

What about my two friends? They escaped.

Commander Kaagh

Pah, half forms. What trouble can they cause?

Clyde

You should ask my teacher!

Rani

Look, there's something I've got to tell you. Something about me you ought to know.

Clyde

You're from another planet! I already guessed.

Luke

(Noticing a car pulling up behind Clyde) Actually, Clyde it's worse than that.

Clyde

(Noticing as well) Oh no. Rani, please tell me there's a good reason why our new head just pulled up outside your house that doesn't involve the word "Dad".