Jim Rockford quotes from The Rockford Files

I bet your grandfather was a preacher.

Jim

In fact he was a horse thief.

You ride around much with the cops in LA?

Jim

Well, it depends on the circumstances...

Yeah, you're not riding with us neither.

Do you have a gun?

Jim

No, no I don't, I... Matter of fact I'm scared to death of them.

Jim

I don't know what's goin' on, but believe me I don't want any trouble.

You already got trouble. The only question is whether you're going to wake up tomorrow breathing air or dirt.

Pity we aren't the same age. I could take you out behind the wood shed and we could bash it around for a while.

Jim

Well, I don't go in for that kind of thing...

$10.45.

Jim

[hands over cash] Keep the change.

Ten buck tip. What do I gotta do for it?

Jim

There's a trailer parked by the beach. 2354 Pacific Coast Highway. I want ya to go inside and you'll find a very crotchety old man tied up. Untie him.

You're kiddin'.

Jim

He's my father.

There's a punchline, right?

Jim

Whatever you got on the meter, you get from him. You keep the $10 tip.

Add another five and you got a deal.

Jim Rockford

[Smiles and hands over another five bucks] You and my father ate gonna get along reeaal good.

Jim

[stops for a hitchhiker] If I'm not being too personal uh, what kind of work do you do?

Marilyn Polonski

I'm a model. I just had a rough time with an 'occupational hazard.' By the way, thanks for the ride. My name's Marilyn Polonski.

Jim

Jim Rockford.

Marilyn Polonski

Most of the artists I pose for are interested in their work. This one today was a real grope-freak! [giggles] I grabbed my clothes, I ran so fast, I didn't get my 23 dollars.

Marilyn Polonski

It's my modeling fee: 20 dollars an hour with the clothes on, 23 for the 'real me'.

Jim

Is there enough business around to keep the 'real you' busy?

Marilyn Polonski

Almeria's 'bulging' with artists.

Marilyn Polonski

Is there anything you won't do for money?

Jim

Well, there's two things. I won't kill for it, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to about anything.

Jim

I'm the national advertising manager for the Avocado Growers of America.

Marilyn Polonski

What'd he do, steal a crate of avocados?

Jim

He's our top animator. Yeah he took off and we can't seem to find anybody who can draw the avocado "Bandito".

Marilyn Polonski

You kidding?

Jim Rockford

Yeah.

Jim

What's wrong?

Rocky

I am THROUGH talking to you! Look at you, an inch or two to the right and you'd be missing that eye!

Jim

Yeah, but look at it this way, an inch or two to the left and he'd have missed me completely.

Where is she?

Jim

Oh, you're kidding. She's my get away free card.

You ain't got no "get away free card." You maybe got one chance in 10,000 of surviving the next 30 seconds.

Jim

[bends down and looks into open car window of rival P.I. Kirmit Higby] Hi Kirm, it's good to see you crawling out from under your rock from time to time.

I thought I gave you a good lesson last time, Rockford. What's wrong? Don't you remember how I spread your nose out for you?

Jim

Oh I remember; lucky punch. I'm not worried. Generally, you can hit the ground with your feet.

Well maybe you need to be taught another lesson.

Jim

Looks that way, let me help you.

Jim

Clumsy, clumsy Kirm. Ah well, it looks like you've got a couple of choices: either you can tell me what you're doing following me and why you knocked me out in Susan's room, or you can sit here with your hand in the door while I sharpen my right cross. Which is it?

[In pained voice] I didn't knock you out...

Jim

Okay Kirm, I'm going to let your dentist rebuild your whole mouth.

Suit yourself...

Jim

[Raising his fist Rockford is ready to punch Higby but falters as he looks at Kirm's pained expression, giving in to his softer side] Ah damn! [He pulls back, slapping the car door]

[as Rockford reaches in and takes the car keys] If it had been me, I'd have beaten you to death.

Jim

Yeah, I know... [then slams the car door against Higby's wrist once more for good measure before walking away]

You're a professional gambler! That's fascinating!

Jim

Yeah. Yeah it is, isn't it?

You're not mad at me - are you?

Jim

No - why?

Because of what I thought back there.

Jim

No. You thought I was a crook? You made a normal, logical assumption.

I had no right!

Jim

You had every right.

Well, I really feel awful about it. Will you forgive me?

Jim

Jolene, do you know what you do?

What?

Jim

You apologize - all the time!

I do?

Jim

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I was told that you were very reliable.

Jim

Reliable...but chicken.