Angel Martin quotes from The Rockford Files

Angel

[riding with Jim in Rocky's truck, about Tom Little] Anyway, I told him 'I'm your man', you know, but, I said, 'can't be anything illegal', and he said he's going straight - just like me, so we shook on it, went in the men's room, and he gave me 30 G's in a brown paper bag.

Angel

Now I like you a lot Jim, but I don't like you that much, so keen judgment and an eye toward good health demand that I skate on this thing. I know you understand!

Angel

I was telling the one about the prisoner going to the chair. You know that one? The prisoner? He's going to the electric chair and his attorney comes in and he says, "Give me some last minute advice!" And the attorney says, "Don't sit down!"

Angel

[on stage for his comedy routine] Hey, hey, hey, hey, how do you like it so far? I'm so glad to see all of you here tonight. I love playing a prison; it's a captive audience. You notice how polite it is in a prison. All day long when you go by the wardens office, there is prisoners coming out, and they're going; 'pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.' [to the drummer] Hey, could I have a little help over there?

Angel

I knew a guy on the "D" block, pathetic case Guy, all of his life, he wanted to be a tree surgeon, but he kept fainting at the sight of sap. Sap. Sap. [chuckles] H-e-h-ey! Then, I knew this prisoner whose lawyer came to see him in the prison. The lawyer said, "everything is terrific. We got everything under control. I got a big pitch going with the parole board, and I have some very close connections with the governor. But, in the meantime, try and escape.'

Angel

Escape? Escape.

Angel

Muriel is dead! D-on-the-e-d!

Angel

Aaron, when it's in the immediate family it's not called blackmail, it's called family spirit!

Angel

Well, I got this friend of mine. He's a fence, Cat-eye Wilson. He met with those boys of yours, alright. Said he wouldn't trust them to float ice cream in a root beer.

Jim

[asking Angel if he had any trouble at the resort] Nobody tried to interfere?

Angel

No, no, they didn't even believe that it was happening. You know what occurred to me? I mean when you get a crowd like that? It doesn't seem right not to work 'em.

Jim

[Disapprovingly] Angel...

Angel

No, no, now you were right about the oil rig, that's the thing. But the thing that really gets them excited though is the jackhammer, and the compressor, and the noise, and that racket, boy, it's the roar of the crowd and I got to thinking how you said I should have earplugs. I went down to the drug store and talked to the druggist and made the deal - 28 cents a pair - go back and sell them for a dollar seventy-five - a dollar fifty! - easy.

Jim

[Aggravated] Forget it!

Angel

Jimmy, don't spit on it, man. If we don't do it someone else will. Think about it. [He pulls Rocky over to his side] Rocky could be the salesman, huh? He's got that good, honest face everybody likes. We get him a tray hanging around his neck...

Jim

Angel, if you try working a scam on the side, you go straight back to L.A.

Angel

A person's got a right to his own suggestions, don't he?

Jim

No!

Angel

[enters the squad room, trying to avoid meeting Sgt. Becker] Jimmy, Jimmy, come here. [motions for Rockford to come over to him]

Jim

Angel, where have you been?

Angel

Jimmy, can I talk to you for a second? I know you're mad at me. I know this thing can be explained, I swear.

Jim

Where's my car?

Angel

Your car? It's fine. There's no need to report it stolen, Jimmy. I filled it up with gas, I even got it washed.

Angel

Hi Captain!

Dennis Becker

You've got jailbird written all over you. Where'd you do time, sport?

Angel

Time? Time... [he reaches into his pocket for his watch] It's five o'clock. [He reaches for Rockford] C'mon let's go.

Angel

San Quentin. Four years, but I got out in three for good behavior. I even sang in the choir, didn't I, Jimmy?

Dennis Becker

Who's this guy?

Jim

Oh, uh, Angel Martin, Dennis Becker.

Dennis Becker

Angel Martin... you're in the known associate's file.

Angel

Right, right, probably with Jimmy, we were both in at San Quentin, together. [laughing] I guess you could say we both owned a 'piece of the rock.'

Jim

[after Angel has been grilled by Becker] Angel, where is my car?

Angel

It's in the L.A. area.

Jim

Angel!

Angel

Listen, Jimmy. You was about to make a giant mistake in there. You were going to tell that flat-foot to go looking for your car, and I couldn't let you do that. For your own good, I couldn't.

Jim

Why?

Angel

[Angel looks nervously around] Because there's $30,000 cash hidden in the left front door panel.

Jim

[At a momentary loss for words] Where'd it come from?

Angel

I put it there. Listen, Jimmy, I can't tell you how bad this police station's affecting me. I'm getting a bad case of the Fifth Amendment. Now let's get out of here and I'll tell it so much better. A whole lot better!

Jim

Now, look; if I go through with this, you gotta do everything I say, and I mean everything - no weaseling, no arguments, no nothin - everything.

Angel

[Meekly] That's a promise

Jim

First time you balk, I am through.

Angel

Anything you want me to do, you just tell me.

Jim

Can we get into the paper, late at night?

Angel

Yup, yup. It's not a problem.

Jim

Well, then, it might work.

Angel

[Smiling] You got a plan?

Jim

[nods] Mmm, maybe.

Angel

What'd I do? You just tell me. You name it!

Jim

Well, to make the plan work... [pause] you gotta die.

Angel

[grabs Jim's arm, and looks terrified] I'm, I'm not balkin'. I'm not balkin', I... just give me a... minute to... get... used to it.

Jim

Hey, Angel, what about my car? I want my car!

Angel

We're gonna find it any day now, Jimmy!

Angel

Your beef is with Jimmy, I had nothing to do with this...

Shut up.

Angel

You know, I'm just an innocent bystander.

They're the ones that usually get shot.

Angel

[Rockford's Firebird pulls up in front of a dilapidated bungalow somewhere outside of L.A.] Huh? What do you say? Is this what you asked for? Huh? [He laughs excitedly]

Jim

Yeah, perfect... I couldn't have done better myself. How much?

Angel

Look at that. You said no neighbors, right? Well, right over here is an empty lot and right on this side is an empty house, huh?

Jim

All right, Angel, how much?

Angel

Listen, I got all the papers here, and all signed legal... binding...

Jim

[sounding testy] Angel...

Angel

Well, you know, Willie wasn't in love with the idea of renting it in the first place. Well, I mean a man's home is, uh... you know. But it's cause you were friends at Quentin... he said to say hi.

Jim

[Impatiently] Hi... how much?

Angel

[Uneasily] Ah... A hundred a day...

Jim

Angel! A hundred dollars a day for that chicken shed?!

Angel

[Defensively] You said it was perfect! The key is under the mat!

Jim

[sighing he reaches inside his jacket for his wallet] All right, Angel... If I had the time I'd go rent one on my own, but I don't have the time. If I did I would, but you got yourself a deal, huh. [He hands a couple of fifties to his friend] Now I'm going to remember it... And when this whole thing is over, I'm going to have a little talk with Willie. See how much of that hundred sticks to your greedy little fingers, and then he's going to remember it. [He climbs into his car]

Angel

[Nervously] Jimmy, you don't have to talk to Willie...

Angel

Jimmy!

Angel

Jimmy! Hey Jimmy! I don't have a car!

Angel

Jimmy, Jimmy, just let me talk to you. Are you mad, huh?

Jim

You have a gift for understatement, Angel.