Jim Rockford quotes from The Rockford Files

Jim

Instead of death row you're gonna get a trip to the lollipop factory... . He's gonna let the police catch him and then do the old 'where am I' bit. Any court in the country will stamp him as a ranking banana and send him off on a Valium holiday.

Jim

[looking up at the seven-foot-tall goon next to him] Klaatu barada nikto!

Jim

This is the federal government, huh? Now I know why my old man got a hundred and eleven Medicare cards sent to him. Not one of them had his name on it!

Jim

[referring to tips given by Angel] The last horse he gave me could've used a skateboard!

Jim

[to thug who had just denied a woman Rockford was looking for was in his car] Either she was in this car, or you both wear the same perfume, Mary.

Jim

If you don't know what holds the moon in space, then a lovesick fool is all you'll ever be.

Jim

Freddy, lemme tell ya somethin', Freddy. There's one thing you never do: you never say "put 'em up." You smile at the guy, then sucker-punch him.

Sara Butler

[Referring to Jim's trailer] This is your office?

Jim

Yeah, it's cheap, it's tax-deductible, earthquake-proof, and when I get a job out of town, I'll take it with me.

Sara Butler

You aren't afraid of him, are you?

Jim

You're damn right I am!

Sara Butler

How much of my own money am I going to earn back?

Jim

I usually pay my operatives 20 bucks an hour for this kind of thing.

Sara Butler

I wouldn't do it for less than 50.

Who are you, the boyfriend?

Jim

No, what I am is about fifty pounds heavier and a whole lot meaner.

Jim

I'm investigating the Kirkoff killings and I heard you were having an affair with Mrs. Kirkoff before she was killed.

Private cop, huh?

Jim

Look, you aren't gonna shoot anybody, we both know it, so why don't you put that thing away before you have an accident.

Who're you working for?

Jim

Well, that's confidential.

Jim

Larry Kirkoff.

Dennis Becker

I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Jim: I'm going to fill this out, give it to patrol, but don't count on much.

Jim

Now what is that supposed to mean? I got kidnapped by two guys, and they beat the poo out of me, I'm making a legitimate complaint. What do you mean, "don't count on too much," I'm counting on you and this girl scout troop in here, to solve it.

Dennis Becker

Shut up, will ya? What do I have to do, spell it out for you? You know, you're not exactly Princess Margaret in this department. Every time you come in here with a bloody nose, morale goes up ten points, and if I weren't a buddy of yours I wouldn't even type this up. OK?

Beth Davenport

Don't you even care if she's innocent?

Jim

Beth, I spent five years in prison. While I was there I never met anybody who wasn't "innocent."

Beth Davenport

Please Jim, for me? [pause] I guess I've never been able to quite pull that off, have I?

How are you feeling, Mr. Rockford?

Jim

Tell you the truth, I'm scared to death.

Good.