“Stimpy's Fan Club” quotes from The Ren & Stimpy Show

You can be the President! Of my fan club!

President? Wow. President...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?! [presses on a button that destroys part of the globe and laughs maniacally]

Dear Stimpy, I have a... secret. I know I can tell you, because you are nice, and would not tell anybody. I'm afraid to tell my friends, because they'll laugh.

Aw.

I know you would never laugh at me.

Mmm mmm.

So... here's my secret. Every night... I wet the bed.

I can't help it! Please tell me what to do. Your friend, Johnny.

Dear Johnny... You make me SICK! You probably wet the bed on purpose! I have written letters to everybody at your school warning them never to sleep over with you. Your friend...

[shocked] REN!

I... I was nice today. Nice to all those insipid little monkeys. Answering their stupid letters. [looks at his hands] My hands... DIRTY! [tries wiping his hands] The dirt won't come off! [screams] President... What a joke. President... President of WHAT?! [looks over to Stimpy sleeping] His fan club. How they love him. Look at him. Lying there asleep. [stands over Stimpy] The idol of millions. He's a fool. Blind, silly little fool... How easily I could end the farce. [holds up his hands] With these hands. These DIRTY hands... And with these hands, I hold the fate of millions... They think he's a god. But he's as mortal as we. I know. [visions a dotted line across Stimpy's neck] Just one quick... twist! ...and it's over. Just... one... [prepares to snap Stimpy's neck] Just... [a stinging pain strikes from inside his head; screams] It's happening AGAIN! My BRAIN! My hot... STINGING... BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN!!! [screams]

Mailman. Got some mail here! [Ren is revealed to be in a Robotic Stimpy] Ah, hello Mr. Cat. You're looking healthy this morning.

Shut up. duh, I don't want anymore of your filthy letters! Your services are not welcomed here, and, duh, tell those pesky kids to stop writing me, Stimpson J. Cat, duh.

Um, Whatever you say. Actually, I only have one letter today and it's for Mr. Höek. I guess I'll just throw this one out.

GIVE ME THAT! [laughs evilly] Letter for me, letter for me! Nothing for Stimpy! No, no, no, Mr. Ren Höek! [laughs evilly] It says!

[wakes up] Aah, Good Morning Ren.

[screams] You, you and your fan mail! Mr. Fan Club! [He jumps out of robot] Everybody loves you, don't they?! Well guess what the Mailman bought you today...NOTHING! This letter's for me! See?! You they have forgotten?! Now it's me they love! It is I that is the most loved. I, who shall rule! OH YES! THIS IS THE PROOF! THIS IS THE PROOF THAT YOU...ARE...FINISHED! Listen! This one says: Dear Ren, it's me, it's me! You are my favorite TV star! Nobody, nobody but you is funny or smart as you. SEE? ARE YOU GETTING THIS?! I AM THE BEST! [echoing] I AM KING! Listen to this! You may learn something. I wish I could be just like you! How about THAT?! A man with some ambition. You are my favorite person in whole wide WORLD! HA! Love... it says love... Your pal... [surprised] Stimpy? Stimpy. I'm so ashamed.

I meant every word. [Ren begins to cry] There, there Ren. There, there!

Look at me. Big, mean Ren...crying like a baby. Pretty pathetic, huh?

Oh, pasha! No one will never know. You just cry your little eyes out.