FINALLY! One of my defences works!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
They sold this garbage to me as the ultimate security system? AARGH! It's lucky you're not paid for yet!
Help you break into my own vault? What do you think I am, a complete idiot?
He is our only hope, Mr. Sneer.
If that dog leaves one hair in my ventilation shaft...
No, no, April Fools' Day isn't for another six months!
I haven't seen pop this happy since he evicted Grandma!
It's my prints!
Tell him if the glass slipper's too big, he can borrow my hockey socks!
I am off to see the publisher of this rag!
By the back door!
(About the Standard) Cut the banter, bandit face! Who's responsible for this?!
I am!
I am!
Uh-uh-uh, they are!
Pop! You subscribed to the Evergreen Standard?
Of course! It's a daily pleasure I wouldn't miss!
PTPig Two
Which section would you like today sir?
Well, let's start with 'Ask Bert'! (he tears the page out, throws it on the fire and laughs)
What did I tell you? See, see? I bet that guy has a submachine gun!
That's a violin case Bert.
But they always put machine guns in violin cases! Everyone knows that!
BBear
Your hot chocolate, sir.
I've had my hot chocolate! I've had my hot bath! And I still can't sleep! I haven't slept for a week!
I get vicious when I can't sleep! I'm not my usual loveable self!
I want to hear a real story! Give me King Midas. I want to hear about Midas and his wonderful golden touch!
Once upon a time there was king with a golden touch.
Ooh, I like that. My kind of man!
Everything he touched turned to gold.
Good, good!
His cities were gold, his streets were gold.
Marvelous! Marvelous!
In fact, his whole kingdom was paved with gold. He even paved the forest with gold. What do you think of that?
PTPig Two
Oh that's nothing! We're going to do that tomorrow - with cement!
What? What the devil? You're not Auntie Bertha! You're a raccoon. What kind of weirdo are you anyway?"
Can't you bears speed it up? If you were any slower you'd be unionised! I want this mansion to make the Taj Mahal look like a toolshed!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Raccoons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.