The toaster is working perfectly!
PatrickToaster, you are toast! [Patrick shoots the ray gun at the toaster and the toaster becomes the Enigma Shapeshifter.] Laser beam!
Huh?
S1 Patrick's Got a Zoo Loose
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Voiced by Bill Fagerbakke
The Patrick Star Show · 48 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Patrick Star Show: in 28 of its 48 quotes
Most scenes with: Squidina (14), Bunny (8), GrandPat (7)
Scenes with Patrick 26
PatrickPatrickFuture Mom, you're meant for better things!
Mom? What are you--
Patrick[leaning over her] I'm your son! From the future! [electricity sparks on his body]
Uh-huh. Like you could even prove such a thing.
Patrick[leans in] Your favorite color... is purple.
[surprised] Ooh!
PatrickMm-hmm.
OK. I'm convinced!
S1 The Patterfly Effect
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[The tanning bed is completely closed, with heat coming out of it. Patrick looks in and gasps. Bunny, GrandPat, and Cecil do as well. Shmandrake's body is cooked.]
[horrified] WE BARBECUED HIM!
Patrick[picks up Shmandrake's body] There goes all our wishes! [cries]
[pats Patrick's shoulders] There, there, son. Hey, maybe we've learned a valuable lesson here.
[Patrick and Cecil sniff Shmandrake's aroma.]
Say, that does smell delicious. [The family start sniffing Shmandrake's aroma.]
SFStar family
Mmm...
[takes out fork and knife] Let's eat it! [A fork transitions to Shmandrake's body on a plate. The Stars pick pieces from it with forks, leaving only the head. They all eat his body.]
Mmm, kind of nice having him feed us for a change, ha ha.
Patrick[takes Shmandrake's haed] It sure is! [Shmandrake's head suddenly regrows] Huh?
SShmandrake
[screams, grabs Patrick's shirt] You maniacs! You ate me! [screams and shakes him] Why? [runs away, crying] I can't believe they were so selfish! [cries, then bumps into Squidina and grunts]
[holding shovel] End of the line, Shmandrake. Give me that wish, or you're going back... [points shovel at him] six feet under.
I wish we never found you in the first place.
SShmandrake
Ah. [laughs] Fiddle dee doo-- [spins and laughs] Fiddle dee done! [snaps fingers]
[A purple cloud of magic dust takes Squidina back to her operating a camera and recording Patrick's gardening segment. She looks around.]
PatrickWow, the floor is much softer out here, [shown next to a hole] and once we've dug our hole, [takes out small seed] we plant a little seed.
Phew!
Patrick[off-screen] Hey, look what I found!
Huh?
Patrick[holding a genie lamp] A genie's lamp!
[groans] I wish this cartoon was over already!
[The genie lamp appears. A genie inside snaps its fingers and a magic cloud of dust transitions to black.]
S1 A Root Galoot
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Note:This Halloween Special Is Focused on the Show
[The episode begins at night in Bikini Bottom, with several kids trick-or-treating.]
FTFemale trick-or-treater
Candy! [laughs]
KIKid in monster costume
[comes up to screen] Trick or treat! [laughs and runs off]
[Pinkeye jumps by in a vampire costume and hisses. Ouchie, in a garlic costume, barks and chases him away. Old Man Walker is dressed as a mad scientist, laughs, and swallows the screen. We see the inside of the Star house, covered in Halloween decorations. Cecil, dressed as a werewolf, comes out from behind the couch.]
[meows] Wait, is that right?
[rides past covered in toilet paper] I think we're out of toilet paper!
[A fishing rod with Bunny's hair, glasses, and shirt floats by.]
[ghostly] Ooh, I'm the invisible mom! [she is hiding around the hallway, exposing her tattoo] Oh, my! [hides]
[The camera goes into Patrick's room. Squidina is filming Patrick, who is sleeping.]
Okay, Patrick. It's showtime! Up and at 'em!
[She pulls of the sheets to see Patrick asleep and drooling.]
Oh my Neptune, he's dead! [lifts his eyelid to reveal static] Dead tired! [takes out candy bar] Ah! [snaps it] Hah!
[She waves the candy bar in front of Patrick's nose. Patrick sniffs it and sits up.]
PatrickMmm, nougat. Mmm.
It's Halloween, Patrick! You know what that means!
PatrickCandy!
[Patrick reaches for the candy, but falls out of bed. He tries to lick it up, but the Dartfish Family, dressed in costumes, run and pick it up.]
DFDartfish Family
Trick or treat! [run off]
Huh? Those are some weird disguises for feudal villagers.
PSPatrick and Squidina
[dumb laughing] AHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
[The camera zooms into the candy that SpongeMonster is eating. Patrick and Squidina drool.]
Okay, this is the last house in the neighborhood, and our last chance to get candy, so let's get it right!
PatrickRight!
[They take a deep breath.]
PSPatrick and Squidina
[loudly] Trick or treat!
Trick? Treat? Threaten me and demand a bribe, will you? Patgor, let 'er rip! [smashes door shut]
PPatgor
Yes, master! [dumps oatmeal off castle, covering Patrick and Squidina]
PatrickMe-flavored oatmeal! [bites self]
Pull yourself together! We didn't come here for oatmeal! That candy will be ours!
Come on. Where's that candy?
[Plankenstein is about to eat some of the candy. Squidina grabs him instead and looks at him.]
Ooh, score! A jelly bean!
PatrickCandy? Gimme!
[Patrick eats Plankenstein, who screams. Patrick sticks out his tongue and sees him, then screams. Squidina starts screaming. Their disguise falls on top of SpongeMonster, making them all scream. They crash and all fall out of the disguise. SpongeMonster holds Patrick and Squidina as Plankenstein drops out of the sky.]
Good work, SpongeMonster. Now give those interlopers the ol' [making throwing gesture] heave-ho!
PatrickI don't know, but I got us candy!
Ooh, oh, boy! I'm gonna eat all the Nut Cracklers first! Ooh, or the Tropical Fruit Fuzzies! No, wait! The Cocoa Chunkers!
Squid and starfish": Trick or treat!
[Patrick and Squidina scream, dropping the candy behind and running away. The costumes open up to reveal Cecil as the squid and Bunny as the starfish.]
Gosh, do you think we're doing this right?
We must be. We've gotten candy from every kid tonight.
Maybe we should save some for Patrick and Squidina?
[They pause for a moment.]
CBCecil and Bunny
Nah! [laughing]
[They dive into the house and eat the candy.]
PPPerch Perkins
Perch Perkins here live at the premiere of The Patrick Show season [holds two fingers] 2! Let's take a look!
Patrick[off-screen] Are you ready for season 2?
AAttendees
Season 2! Season 2!
S2 The Patrick Show Cashes In
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Hey, Patrick. Didn't you say there were 11 puppies.
PatrickUh-huh.
Well, I only see eight.
Patrick[looks, then shrugs] I don't know. Math is hard.
Look, there's only three puppies now.
Patrick[looking around] Oh, where'd the other 12 go?
I don't know. [grabs Patrick's shirt collar] And let's never take our eyes off... [looks behind, gasps] THE PUPPIES! THEY'VE BEEN TOILET-NAPPED!!! What do we do?
PatrickThe one thing we can do.
PSPatrick and Squidina
[jump up and scream] Go get Mom! [run off]
S2 10 And 1 Toilets
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Slappy: What? No. You can't yo-yo then go-go. I need more show-show.
Patrick[now in his night clothes] Sorry, Slappy. It's past my bedtime.
SSlappy
It's also the perfect time for the Patrick Show [dramatic close-up of his face] "After Dark."
PatrickAfter dark?
SSlappy
[close-up on his lips] After dark.[Patrick stares wide-eyed, blinks]
S3 The Patrick Show After Dark
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[The episode opens with a shot of the Star house at Christmas. Snowmen shaped like Patrick and Squidina are in the front yard. Snowflakes fall. Squidina is seen with a candy cane in her mouth, writing at a desk and putting papers on a stack. She writes on the typewriter and pushes it back, then puts more papers on the stack. She pushes the typewriter back, spits out the candy cane, and drinks coffee as she types with her feet. The typewriter pings as different things are seen on her desk as time passes: half-eaten Christmas cookies, an empty cup of coffee, a soda cup, then two cups together, and another empty coffee cup. The stack of paper grows until it is much bigger. Squidina puts a final paper on top and flips it over, revealing the title "Squidina's Holidaze Special." Cut to Patrick, wearing a Christmas sweater, taking a gift out from under the tree. Patrick shakes the present, grunting, Squidina taps him on the shoulder]
Patrick[panics] Oh! [hides gift behind his back] Santa, please don't put me on the naughty list. I-- [sees Squidina, who looks tired] Oh, oh, it's just you. Ooh, are you okay?
[tired] It took three consecutive all-nighters and more coffee than a 3rd grader should ever drink, [holds out script] but I finished my script for the school play just in time.
PatrickOoh. [throws away present, grabs at script] I wanna pretend to read it! [looks in his palms] Huh?
Sorry, Patrick, this is my only copy, and if anything happened to it, I'd probably fail [yawns] drama class. [Patrick reaches out for the script] So please... don't touch it. [collapses]
Patrick[pokes her with his foot] Nudge. Nudge. Oh, I hope Santa isn't watching. He wouldn't mind if I took a little peek. [takes the script, giggles, knocks into a table with a coffee cup] Huh? [The cup falls on the paper and soaks it. Patrick screams, looks around] Gotta clean it, gotta clean it! [wrings the coffee into his mouth, gargles, puts the script on a table] I'm sure it'll be fine [takes out a hair dryer] once I dry it. [The dryer blows the papers around the room. Patrick panics, knocks the table away, and grabs the papers. He peels one off a lollipop painting.]
[snoring]
[Patrick takes a page as it falls on her. He pulls one away from Ouchie.]
OOuchie
[growling]
Patrick[placing the papers together] Whew! That was almost a disaster. [Zoom out to show he put the papers in a shredder. Patrick screams, pulls the papers away and they land in a woodchipper, screams]
[snoring]
Patrick[gasps] I can still fix this! [forms the paper scraps into a pinata, then a trophy, then a statue of him holding a chicken]
[Cut to the outside of the house as construction noises are heard. Slappy comes out of the Patrick snowman. Patrick is seen welding something in the garage.]
Patrick[lifts mask] I can't believe it worked. [the script is restored, he throws the blowtorch away and takes the script] All fixed.
[Smoke comes from the right side of the garage as a smoke alarm blares. A loud crash and a burst of smoke appear as Patrick gets back to Squidina and puts the script in her hand.]
Fade out, end of dream. Where am I? [looks at script] What's this? [gasps] The play! We're gonna be late. Come on, Patrick. [drags him] Let's go!
S3 E13 Squidina's Holidaze Special
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FBFlimFlam brother 1
Alright, let's see what's under this cloat.
FBFlimFlam Brothers, Patrick and Squidina
Old Man GrandPat?!
But, why are you a ghost?
It's actually a very long, meandering story. I was...
PatrickPhew! Saved by the bell.
S4 The Haunting of Flim-Flam House
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So that's it? Replacing me? With Old Man Walker?
PatrickYep! Just like you replaced me with Rube.
What are you talking about? I'm not replacing you with Rube.
PatrickYou're not?
[The raft hits "land." Rube is pouring digestive fluids out of his hat.]
No! I'm just helping the guy out. I felt bad for him because he lost his-
My crew! [Three skeletons with filming equipment are shown on the other side of the cave. Squidina gasps] Y'all don't look so good. In fact, you look... like you could use something to eat! [The skeleton crew look at each other.]
S1Skeleton 1
Yes! Sounds good.
S2Skeleton 2
I could go for a bite.
S3Skeleton 3
I skipped breakfast.
S4 Rube Tube
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Patrick Star Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.