TV show quotes
Why does Erin like Gabe?
Andy, look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters...I'd choose you.
That's really nice. Thank you.
And I'd blow your mind.
If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.
Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.
When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room, okay, so these old guys are walking around naked. Feels almost passive-agressive. But I deal with it, because it's policy. See what I mean?
Nope.
Nudity makes me uncomfortable.
Okay.
My gym allows it. I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So I respect it and I just...look away. Think about your commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room.
Excuse me, everyone. SEX! Now that I have your attention...
You don't have our attention.
MONEY!
I'm listening.
You had me at sex.
Pervert.
The world sends people your way. Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is, you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. Jim, that guy is an Ace. Dwight is my King up my sleeve. Phyllis is my Old Maid. Oscar is my Queen. That's easy. Give me a hard one. That's what Oscar said. Toby is the Instruction Card you throw away, Pam is a solid 7, and you know, Ryan is probably like a 2. Sometimes 2s can be wild, so watch out. And I'm obviously the Joker. So... [He hears noises from the phone and fax machine] That's, uh...
Wuphf from Ryan Howard: Decided to sell company. Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride.
Thank God.
Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics. I've surrounded the enemy and I'm slowly starving them. To save on electricity, I've installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It's part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money.
Around here, Oscar is known as "Actually" because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gay Mexican.
Who's Holly, guys?
That is a good question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe - just maybe - a part of my future?
I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.
I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18-years old. To get to sit in an air conditioned room, downtown, judging people while my lunch was paid for? That is the life!
[After meeting Angela's boyfriend Robert]
Robert seems great. He's very handsome, firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor.
In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all: it's fear. Merry Christmas.
Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness.
You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them. "Hey, what book is that? Cool, let's hang out tonight. Sex already? Whoa."
[cut to Darryl in interview]
My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Office (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
