The Office (US) quotes
370 total quotesStanley: Did I want to come back? No, but I don't have enough money to retire and I'm too old to get another job. I feel like I'm working in my casket.
Stanley: Find anything?
Kevin: I think it's a straight-forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Can't you guys do it?
Oscar: 'Cause we're looking up "jail time".
Kevin: I think it's a straight-forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Can't you guys do it?
Oscar: 'Cause we're looking up "jail time".
Stanley: I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They always complain. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don't get sore, too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
Stanley: I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18-years old. To get to sit in an air conditioned room, downtown, judging people while my lunch was paid for? That is the life!
Stanley: I worked for the last boss for 15 years. According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years if I want to keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle. Which I intend to.
Stanley: It's like I used to tell my wife: I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one, too.
Stanley: This is not the meal I was promised. I'm going to have no energy for the rest of the day.
Kevin: I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this?
Michael: You know what, guys? Let's just enjoy lunch.
Kevin: With what? How? Sometimes, Michael, sometimes...
Kevin: I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this?
Michael: You know what, guys? Let's just enjoy lunch.
Kevin: With what? How? Sometimes, Michael, sometimes...
Stanley: Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.
Toby: [about Dwight] Every Halloween, I tell him the same thing: "You can't bring weapons into the office." And every year, he says the same thing: "As soon as I get my weapons back, I'm gonna kill you."
Toby: [looking up at the church ceiling] Why you always got to be so mean to me?
Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
Toby: Do you know her last name yet?
Gabe: Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight.
Toby: She's going to be screaming her own last name?
Gabe: Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight.
Toby: She's going to be screaming her own last name?
Toby: I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I don't want to lie and I DON'T want to tell the truth.
Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that... wow. Genius.
Toby: Michael's like a movie on a plane. You know it's not great, but it's something to watch. And then when it's over, you're like, how much time is left on this flight? You know, now what?