Michael: It's not a big deal really. I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
Meredith: She could be your soul mate.
Dwight: Oh, not likely. 3 billion women on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.

Michael: Jan? You complete me.
Jan: ...Oh god.

Michael: Kelly Kapoor is our dusky, exotic customer service rep. And once a year, she will contact our clients and find out how happy they are with our salespeople. Sort of a Kapoor's List. Schindler's List parody. ...That's not appropriate, no.

Michael: Kelly, you're a Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.
Kelly: That's Buddhists.
Michael: Are you sure?
Kelly: No.

Michael: Kevin, Erin would like a few words with you.
Erin: Hey.
Kevin: Hi.
Erin: I have really enjoyed our time together.
Kevin: Yeah, me too.
Erin: I want to continue working on our friendship.
Kevin: Really, really fun.
Erin: Because I think our friendship could be a really cool thing.
Kevin: Yeah, me too.
Erin: And, you're my friend.
Kevin: Yeah.
Erin: And I hope that I'm your friend... and maybe...
Kevin: Yeah.
Michael: Oh my God, this is agonizing. Look, Kevin, do you really think that you could have dated Erin?
Kevin: You said she liked me.
Michael: Okay, even if someone told you that, you should know that could never be possible, Kevin. And I'm surprised that you didn't question me in the first place.

Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Dwight: WHERE!!?
Phyllis: WHEN!!?
Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best they could and she is going to be okay.
Stanley: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!?

Michael: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, "Uhh... no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Michael: Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.

Michael: My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever... [In an interview] Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An Improversation.

Michael: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Michael: Pam, you're trustworthy.
Pam: Thank you.
Michael: And a woman.
Pam: Oh no.

Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be: Bob Hope, um, Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono... uh, and probably God would be the fourth one. And, I just think all those people really, uh, helped the world in so many ways, that it's, um, it's really beyond words. It's really incalculcable.

Michael: Ryan just so you know, one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer asshole
Ryan: That`s Michael, Always with a joke
Pizza Boy: If anyone is listening, i`m being held here against my will, I`m a minor.

Michael: Sorry we're late, we were waiting in line at the DMV
Deangelo: Fall asleep right after sex...right guys?
Jim: Nope, go back to the script

Michael: Stanley!
Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael: Listen, listen, Stanley. You don't need to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Just...I want you to think about it. I am starting my own company...
Stanley: No.
Michael: You're not letting me finish and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn't.