The Nanny quotes

oeh, i have located the black box [holds up some kind of computer] i can't believe he just leaves it lying around [Fran squeals, Maxwell walks in and Fran quickly sits on a drawer]

Fran

Miss Babcock...Babs baby [Maxwell stands next to C.C.]

ssshhh

Fran

Babi honey

No it's alright i do this all the time [Fran makes a face as Maxwell looks shocked] how do you think i now were he is every minute? Now what was his password?

Busted?

No Maxwell would never [turns] oeh, Maxwell i uh was just looking for the [mumbles something] file and i just rememberd where i left it [walks out]

Stay out of the guestroom! [C.C. quickly walks the other way]

So what brings you here, Miss Fine? [sits on his desk]

Fran

Oh, nothing.

Maxwell

Children are doing well?

Fran

Uh huh.

Maxwell

Household running okay?

Fran

Oh yeah.

Maxwell

Anything on fire?

Fran

No, no.

Maxwell

Then get out!

Fran

What?

Maxwell

I was just thinking...before you came into my life, I never had the need for an emergency transvestite.

Niles, get that hideous thing off the terrace, would you?

Niles

[To C.C.] Mr. Sheffield wants you to get off the terrace.

Don't you have a big reunion tomorrow night?

Fran

[Swooning] Yeah...

Well, I'm the hombre who's taking you.

Fran

Oh, my God! This is amazing! This is like a dream! How could this be?

Grace

We told him how desperate you were.

Fran

[Still ecstatic] Oh, THANK YOU!!

So, Ms. Fine, back from the batting cages. How did my boy do?

Fran

Well... He made contact with the ball. And, er, he'll have a great career if the Bee Gees ever get back together.

Fran

I can't wait to hit the buffet tables in Atlantic City. He's got a safari jacket with 40 pockets in it. We won't have to order room service.

Fran

Honey, to you, Brighton's an obnoxious brother. But to other little girls, he's 79 pounds of pure stud muffin.

Grace

Ew!

C. C.

Niles, pour me some more tea. [Niles ignores her and continues chopping vegetables] I want some more tea, Niles. [Niles continues to ignore her.] You are a butler, now buttle!

Niles

Would you like some tea, Miss Babcock?

You know damn well I want some more tea, you imbecile, now pour!!

C.C.!

Maxwell!

Don't speak to Niles like that; poor man isn't a mind-reader!

But... But, Maxwell—!

Niles

Oh, it's alright, sir. Perhaps my hearing isn't what it once was. Forgive me.

Fran

Mr. Sheffield, the only thing that Andrew Lloyd Webber has that you don't is a middle name.

I've got a middle name.

Fran

Well, there you are! What is it?

Beverly.

Fran

Moving on.

Yetta

Dak and I are a match made in heaven. I like dark meat, he likes light. I could hear the movie, he could see it. I've got a right lung, he's got a left... Thank you for introducing us. Most guys my age are senile. [exits dining room] I'll be in the gift shop.

Fran

Yetta, you didn't drop anything under the table and go look for it did ya?

Yetta

One time, just to see if i still had it.

Oh my god...that was you?

Yetta

That was you?

Fran

Do you two want to be alone?

Niles

Oh dear. That was the last apple.

Oh, I'm sorry, old man. Did you want it?

Niles

Well, yes, sir, but I didn't realize I wanted it until someone else had sunk his teeth into it and now it's too late. It was right there in front of me. If only I snatched it up when I had the chance, I wouldn't have this aching hunger.

Good God, man, have a bloody pear!

Niles

Oh dear. That was the last pear.

Fran

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want it?

Niles

Well, yes, but I didn't realize I wanted it until someone else had sunk his teeth into it.

Fran

You snooze, you lose.

Listen, I haven't seen this soap in seven months. Catch me up.

Fran

Well, they're still at Erica's party...

Fran

Alright while your here, do you think I should take this back [holds up a sparkly top, not noticing that she isn't wearing a shirt]

Uh, I think you should put it on...

Fran

No, I already had it on, it flattens out my br-. [notices she's in her bra and screams] Mr. Sheffield! Why didn't you say anything?!

Well, I uh...I didn't notice!

Fran

You didn't- you know now I'm beginning to wonder about you to! [gets stuck in her shirt] Oh I can't get it on, I'm stuck, help me.

Oh, relax Miss Fine we'll get it on [Niles walks by and stares with shock as Maxwell tries to take her shirt off]

Fran

Oh Mr. Sheffield I'm so hot!

I can't do this standing up, just...just get on the bed! [sits her down on the bed and sits on top of her]

[ gets it off and she falls on the bed, his mouth falls open in shock as he looks up and sees Niles, Fran notices too]

Niles

...If you let me tell Miss Babcock about this, I'll work free for a year.

[walks in the kitchen, Niles is writing something] Well, I couldn't be happier that Nanny Fine finally found a man. Oh, what are looking so smug about?

Niles

Oh, just an incident in Miss Fine's room last night.

With her and Kurt?

Niles

No, with her and another man.

Ooo, I love it. Tell me, tell me!

Niles

Oh no, I couldn't possibly. I swore I wouldn't say a word. [rips off a note] Read this.

[reads the note] ...WHY?! [her head falls down on the counter] I wanna die!

Niles

There, there, [puts a knife into her purse} now don't do anything rash... [Maxwell walks in]

Hello C.C.

You animal! [walks out]

Niles?!

Niles

[innocently] Sir?

You didn't say anything to Miss Babcock about last night, did you?

Niles

[innocently] No, you told me not to.