Vince Noir quotes from The Mighty Boosh

Howard

Come on then, let's have it. Every day you're late and every day another crazy excuse. What is it this time? Lego avalanche trapped you, did it? Your pajamas turned into nitrogen and you got stuck on the ceiling of your bedroom? Giant kingfisher came into your room and pecked you under the duvet? Got your jodhpurs caught on a magic hedgehog? I write them down, you know. What is it? A scarecrow took you to Paris?

Vince

I just had a few things to do, that's all.

Howard

That's not funny. That's not even going in the book. That's awful.

Vince

Not everything has to be funny you know... sometimes life can take a serious turn, colours can fade to black.

Howard

Have you got my script?

Vince

All he needs now is a tall northern jazzy freak with a moustache and no dress sense.

Howard

Is this how you win people over?

Vince

Ah, look, I can't express myself like you! I haven't got a pencil case story! He's tryin' to drive a wedge between us, Howard! We've got history! We're like ying and yang!

Howard

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna take him up on his offer, you know. I don't need him. I've already got a shallow mate who dresses like a... futuristic prostitute.

Vince

[smiles] Thanks, Howard.

[to a heckler] Shut your mouth, or I shall fly at you like a bag of cocks.

Vince

And you will receive him like a satchel of vaginas. Tag team putdowns.

Vince

[as a Russian woman] Last time you gave me pie, I cut into it with my tiny pie-cutter, and millions of birds flew out, hitting me in the eyes and the temples! I was confused! 'Twas a trick pie!

Howard

Why you no like my pie?

Vince

I just told you.

Howard

Why you no like my pie?! AAAAHHHH!

Vince

Why you bring me pie?!

Howard

Why you no like?!

Vince

Every day, fucking pastry goods with you!

Vince

Howard Moon: Jazz Maverick, Novelist, Cyclist, Genre-Spanner, Rider of the Penny Farthing, Stamp Collector...

Howard

[Introducing Vince] Vince Noir; Electro... Poof!