Howard Moon quotes from The Mighty Boosh

Howard

I'll take you out for a meal with Mr and Mrs. Pain. Order up some violent quiche.

Howard

Who are you, dealing out stories in chunks? Johnny Segment?

Howard

I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me.

Howard

I'm going to Jazzercise. Working out to hot be-bop. Circuit training to John Coltrane.

Fossil

The antipodian, masheeun, The Killeroo!

Howard

What's all that about, I didn't know anything about that.

Vince

Come on, it's just hype, you'll get the same treatment.

Howard

Will I?

Vince

Wait 'till you hear your introduction, come on [reassuring Howard]

Fossil

Aaaaand fighting the Killeroo: Howard Mooooooon [silence in the crowd]

Vince

Sit down. Now, that was possibly the weakest start to a boxing match ever. But don't worry alright?

Howard

Have you come about the croutons?

Vince

Just punch the big mouse. [inserts gum shield into Howard's mouth]

Howard

Sometimes I wish I could take all my skin off and writhe about.

That's disgusting.

Howard

No, it's a metaphor.

Still disgusting.

Howard

I'd like to think that I will be remembered many years after my own death.

Vince

What for?

Howard

For the things I say and do.

Vince

The things you say? Like what, "Have you seen my light blue trousers?", "Can I have a crisp?"

Vince

Your head's a bit like a man's thigh.

Howard

What? There's such a thing as having too much going on in your face you know?

Vince

Visually noisy?

Howard

Yeah, it's like a brass band under a wig. Marching towards me every day.

Vince

Look at your face, ambient, pure ambience, it's like The Orb's third album.

Howard

Having fun are you? Gonna do a portrait are you?

Vince

Yeah, I might have a go at her nude.

Howard

[Grabs Vince by the neck] Let me tell you something, O.K? You go near her with a paint brush,

Vince

Listen, start any of that funny business?

Howard

Yeah or else?

Vince

You touch me, Bollo'll rinse you out like a hot flannel.

Howard

...not as outlandish as they would have been if you had not you spent half the budget on your hair.

Vince

My hair's an intrinsic ingredient to this show. Do you mind?

Howard

Do you really need fifteen people working on it at any one point.

Vince

At least. Two for fringe. One for feathering. One for height. Circumference?

Howard

Circumference?

Vince

Yeah hair circumference, there's a lot to think about with hair.

Howard

I think you underestimate the power of my acting to hold a crowd.

Vince

I don't think so.

Howard

I don't need a funny little hair-do for that. I do my own hair.

Vince

The council does your hair.

Howard Moon, you are to be thrown into the pit of eternal fire for heinous crimes.

Howard

But Bollo lead a clean life?

Yeah, but you bummed that fox.

Howard

That's just a rumour.

No smoke without fire...which, incidentally, you'll be seeing quite a bit of from here in on!

Howard

Just imagine the headlines; "Howard Moon, colon, Explorer." Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Vince

"Colon explorer"? I think that's got the wrong ring to it.

Howard

Pass me the first of his last words. Come on.

Vince

Get off, gettin' them in the right order.

Howard

We're not playing scrabble, just come on, bring it on.

That is an interesting story, but now we must eat. You must dine with us and try the local delicacy. [Other native vomits on a plate]

Howard

Yeah, not actually that hungry.

We will be very offended if you do not eat with us.

Howard

Suppose I could try a little bit. [Takes a spoon full and eats some vomit] Mmmm.

Ah here comes the food now, sandwiches my favourite. Somebody clear this sick away.