A character in The Middleman
Played by Natalie Morales
The Middleman · 102 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Middleman: in 45 of its 102 quotes
Most scenes with: The Middleman (26), Ida (7), Lacey (2)
What is this device?
WendyUhh, it's the thingy you point at things with.
This is the BTRS scanner.
WendyAnd BTRS stands for…?
Beyond the Realm of Science. As in, this machine scans for things that are…
WendyBeyond the Realm of Science? Wow. Handy.
I know you and I have been through Hell and back together…
WendyI thought Hell and the Underworld were two different things?
WendySo did I ace it, or did I ace it?
There's acing it, and there's what you did. Kind of like shooting a cow with a Howitzer.
WendyI would never shoot a cow.
WendyAnd I get the feeling you don't share my enthusiasm.
Then I'm wearing the right expression.
My gut says we may be dealing with the seminal stages of a zombie outbreak.
WendyEntrail-ripping brain-chewing zombies?
The very same.
WendyCool.
Do you not realize how serious a zombie outbreak is? A Middleman once died in a zombie outbreak only to come back as a zombie, his own Middleman in Training had to shoot him in the head. Do you want to shoot me in the head?
WendyWell, no.
But I've always been fascinated by the ability of preassembled sets of submasculine archetypes to tug at the heartstrings of a 12-to-17-year-old fanbase.
WendyFunny, I've always been fascinated by their ability to bring up my lunch.
Dubbie, before I activate this, I have one question. Answer truthfully: are you pregnant?
WendyAre you kidding?!
I'm as serious as Mao Tse-Tung's heart attack!
WendyNo!
Is there any chance you might be pregnant?
WendyOnly with anticipation at what you're gonna do with that tube-y gizmo thingie.
Seriously, Dubbie! No chance?
WendyI'm pretty sure-
Pretty sure's not sure!
WendyLook! Do you want me to go into the stark and gore-less details of my post-Ben dry spell? Where all I see when I look at a guy are the 422 pressure points I know to incapacitate him?
...okay. (activates the device)
We're agents Boetticher and Kennedy from American Shrimp and Crab Amalgamed Processors. Law enforcement branch.
ASCAP?
We avoid using the acronym for copyright reasons.
WendyBut, uh, whenever unexpected shrimp or crab appear in the context of a homicide, we're not far behind.
I told young Tyler to scram.
WendyYou made the cute boy go bye-bye?
Dubbie, I can badge my way into Fort Knox. I can talk my way into Lincoln's bedroom. But a sorority house? When it comes to that forbidden stronghold of femininity, I'm afraid penetration is nearly impossible.
WendyThat's not what I've heard about the Omegas! Oh!
WendyI just wish I wasn't having such a difficult time of this.
Sex, waffles and video games? What am I missing?
WendyCan you keep a secret?
Have I told anybody about that thing with the blueberry pudding pops and the elliptical machine?
You got to stop looking for the emotional rip-cord, Dub-Dub, or you're going to find out that your parachute is really a backpack.
WendyWhat's that even mean?
WendyCheck this guy out. The Fabulous Face. He tries to replace everyone in the White House with evil doubles.
And he succeeded, though no one seemed to notice at the time.
(awkwardly) Dubbie...hey...
WendyThat's all, just "hey"?
Yes...hey. There's something we need to discuss. It involves your Middlewatch...and the Real-Time Situational Recording Archive.
WendyOh, you mean that thing on my wrist that records everything I...(horrified realization) Oh my God. You...you saw me and Tyler!
Now...now, Dubbie, there is watching and there is seeing, and I did not watch. But I did see. It was a passing glance, really...although part of my training involves being able to memorize an entire scene with a single look...
WendyAAAGGGHH!
There's a protocol called "Code 86". It's for when Middlemen need some private time.
WendyYou're just telling me about this now?!
I didn't think you'd need it this soon!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Middleman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
