Wendy quotes from The Middleman

Wendy

Does it bother you? Having "Original Recipe" hanging around?

The Middleman

He's hardly original anything. He's just one in a long line, as am I, doing the job.

Wendy

"The job" means that he's wearing a hook for a hand for the rest of his life. Why does he do it? Why do you do it? Can't retire happily, can't fall in love...

The Middleman

Can't fall in love? Who told you that?

Wendy

He did.

The Middleman

It's not impossible for us to find love. It's impossible for him.

Wendy

Well...how come you aren't with anyone?

The Middleman

(wistfully) My choices are my own. But rest assured, I've loved and been loved. If you can't find happiness, that's on you. Not the job or anyone else.

Wendy

I'm not sure Vladdy's gonna start biting anyone just yet.

Ida

Look, it's trying to think.

The Middleman

If you want to help Mr. Noser right now, you'll dedicate yourself mind, body , and soul to preventing undead creatures of the night from rising from the grave to suck him dry.

Wendy

You don't talk to other humans much, do you?

The Middleman

Dubbie, did he just turn into a bat puppet?

Wendy

Man, I don't even have an opinion.

Tyler

Seriously, Dubbie, since you and I met, I've been writing like a song-nado.

Wendy

A tornado made of songs?

The Middleman

I'm not gonna lie to you, Dubbie. The tailgate party's about to begin and we have a 10' manure hoagie on our hands.

Wendy

What's with the salty language?

The Middleman

Voyager 2 is rocketing back home, and it's coming in hotter than the devil's wedding tackle.

Wendy

Whoa, that was filthy.

Wendy

Shouldn't we be doing this in the lab or something?

Ida

So did they teach you about labs in art school?

Wendy

Yes, and they also taught me about the ancient art of color matching.

Wendy

What if something happens to the box?

Ida

Well, then I'd say it's been nice knowing ya, but it hasn't.

The Middleman

It's your chance to handle a piece of history, albeit through triple-strength prophylactics.

Wendy

No. And please don't call them that.

Wendy

Clothar? The war-torn galaxy that sent us Varsity Fanclub, five intergalactic dictators masquerading as a boy band and threatening to destroy Earth and everyone on it?

Ida

You remember that? And I thought you were on the happy leaf the entire time.

Wendy

Showers?

Ida

Yeah. D-con protocol, honey. That's what you get for being made of meat.

The Middleman

(stripped naked) There's no such thing as modesty when life and death are at stake. Now, quit your grinning and drop your linen.

Wendy

I'm not grinning.

Wendy

Can I say something?

The Middleman

That's what the Founding Fathers fought for.

Wendy

What's up with the vents? I mean we're coming from an isolation chamber inside a secret headquarters built by an organization so covert we don't even know who they are. Yet somehow we have vents large enough to crawl into with accessible registers everywhere. Was this building designed by TV writers or what?

The Middleman

No, it wasn't.

The Middleman

Nanobots are strong, but you're smarter. It's like what Sensei Ping says about weasels.

Wendy

They can easily hide in a tube sock?

The Middleman

That their love of battle is surpassed only by their love of shiny things."