Teresa Lisbon quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

Listen, we've got a serious problem.

Jane

Yeah, I was really looking forward to a muffin.

Lisbon

My God. Why are you doing this? You were okay. All you had to do was keep your heads down.

Van Pelt

We want to work for you.

Lisbon

Let me talk to Jane alone. [Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby leave] I could kill you with my bare hands.

Jane

Well, it's not the first time. Come on. You don't have a choice. You do nothing they get fired. You work with me they keep their jobs. You might even get yours back.

Lisbon

Fine, but it's just you and me. They don't do anything else. What's the plan?

Jane

The plan is: we catch the killer. It's kind of obvious.

Lisbon

How'd you do it? Get Bertram to come around?

Jane

Oh it wasn't so hard. A rational discussion between two reasonable men.

Lisbon

[smiles knowingly] Rational discussion. I bet.

Jane

Mhmm. But, by all means, go ahead.

Lisbon

Excuse me?

Jane

Say it. I won't get embarrassed.

Lisbon

Say what? Oh! You mean say thank you?

Jane

Oh! You're welcome. Was it so hard?

Lisbon

The thing is, not dealing with you every day has been very restful for me. My back pain is gone. I sleep really well. I'm not so sure I'm grateful to be back.

Jane

You're a terrible liar. Good, honest people are always bad liars.

Lisbon

Which makes you what?

Lisbon

Cheer up.

Jane

Oh, I'm cheery.

Lisbon

You heard her. You gave her hope.

Jane

I didn't give her hope. I sold her hope.

Lisbon

I think hope is worth it at any price.

Jane

Are you running for office now?

Lisbon

Okay, you know what? You're a wicked charlatan and you're going to hell then.

Jane

That's more like it. I'll save you a seat by the fire.

Lisbon

Oh, I'm not going to hell.

Jane

You're not?

Lisbon

Nope.

Jane

You've made other arrangements, huh?

Lisbon

Mm-hmm.

Lisbon

Everything all right?

Jane

Yeah. I like our new boss. I think we'll work very well together. Would you like some tea?

Lisbon

I'm tired. I'm going to go home.

Jane

I made a pot.

Lisbon

All right. I'll take one to go.

Jane

I heard you got your man.

Lisbon

As did you. Nice work.

Jane

Do you think I'm an anti-social personality?

Lisbon

Yeah, sure. Who isn't?

Jane

Beautiful, isn't it?

Lisbon

For a crime scene, yeah.

Jane

Disappointing, Lisbon. I thought you might push back a little. The guy called me a circus act.

Lisbon

Hey, the man is grieving. You push back.

Jane

Okay, I will.

Lisbon

[stops him by placing her hand on his chest] Don't you dare.

Jane

You said that I could.

Lisbon

I take it back.

Lisbon

Hey.

Jane

All good?

Lisbon

Yeah. Doc seemed like a changed man.

Jane

He's had a perspective few of us ever get. It's energizing, I'd expect.

Lisbon

Would you want that? To hear what people say about you when you're dead?

Jane

When I am dead they can burn me in effigy or build a statue or forget about me completely. I couldn't care less.

Lisbon

You don't mean that. Everybody wants to be remembered.

Jane

Childish vanity.

Lisbon

I want to be remembered.

Jane

And you shall be; fondly, but you won't care about it because when you're dead you're dead, and until then, [a waiter sets down a hot fudge sundae between them] there's ice cream.

Lisbon

So good.

Lisbon

Jane? How are you feeling?

Jane

Excellent, I think.

Lisbon

It's good to see you breathing.

Jane

It's good to see you period.

Lisbon

We are doing everything we can to find your attacker. You didn't happen to see a face, did you?

Jane

No... Not that I can remember.

Lisbon

What's the last thing you do remember?

Jane

[He makes her come closer.]Are we sleeping together?

Lisbon

Excuse me?! [backs off quickly.]

Jane

Well, you're a cop, that's obvious. But you're not judging me like a suspect, and I can't see any other reason for a police officer to come to my bed side [laughs], unless we're sleeping together.

Lisbon

You don't ... know who I am.

Jane

Please don't take it personnaly, I'm sure you're quite memorable. I just... I've been through a lot, apparently.

Lisbon

No. We are not sleeping together.

Jane

We're working toward it, right? So I haven't missed anything. [She looks lost.] So, what's your name?

Lisbon

[smiles] Are you putting me on?

Jane

I wish I was.

Lisbon

I'm Teresa Lisbon, I'm with the CBI. I'm a homicide detective. You're my consultant.

Jane

I catch bad guys, well that sounds like fun! I always wanted to put my psychic gifts against criminals.

Lisbon

You're not... a psychic.

Lisbon

Is anything coming back to you?

Jane

Kids prefer cheese over fried green spinach.

Lisbon

[laughs] Come again?

Jane

It's an acronym for the seven levels of taxonomy: kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species.

Lisbon

Impressive.

Jane

I can also name the geological time periods, the worlds longest rivers by size, and the complete works of Shakespeare in chronological order.

Lisbon

So the memory palace is intact?

Jane

I told you about the memory palace?

Lisbon

We're friends.

Cho

This is my fault. I'm the one he conned. I should know better.

Lisbon

So should I. I'm the one who got him out of the hospital. We were all marks today.

Van Pelt

Not me. What? He didn't con me.

Rigsby

Only because he wants to have a date with you.

Van Pelt

[smiles] Really?

Cho

Don't take this the wrong way, but the death of Jane's family made him a better person.

Lisbon

That person was always inside of him. The murder just brought it out.

Jane

Okay. Your armed robber - desperate amateur. Why work alone? Because he doesn't know any other criminals. The lucha libre mask projects the correct attitude, but look - look what he is wearing. Khakis and a fitted sweater.

Lisbon

Jane—

Jane

No wonder the guard tried to shoot him. The closest a man should ever come to touching a fitted sweater is helping a woman out of one.

Lisbon

You said at the hospital you were dying to help. This is NOT helping.

Jane

I am. I'm investigating. I felt bad about the fish stunt I pulled on these boys, so, uh, I decided to take the B shift out for a night on the town, you know, get to know 'em, make sure they're all innocent of murder.

Lisbon

Are they?

Jane

They're the best of the best! [Jane toasts the firefighters]

Yeah! You're the man, Paddy! [they toast him back]

Jane

Thank you! Cheers!

Cheers. [to Lisbon and Van Pelt] Oh, by the way, he got the last round. Could you thank him for me?

Lisbon

[with a strained laugh] We're going back to the hospital now.

Jane

I'm gonna take a rain check on that. I got another show later. You should stick around. I'm best with the late crowd.

Lisbon

Are you gonna make me call backup to get you out of this bar? Because I will do that, "Paddy."

Lisbon

See you in the morning.

Jane

Uh, no. Actually, put a fork in it. I'm done. No more police work.

Lisbon

I understand. You can stay in the hospital until you get your memory back.

Jane

What if I don't get it back? I talked to my paramedic friends. They told me that all I need to be released from this hospital is the signature from a responsible adult, and [pulls several phone numbers out of his pockets] I got some pretty tasty offers tonight! [chuckling] I'm telling you, this wedding ring—!

Lisbon

Don't you think it's time to tell the truth about Red John?

Jane

Well the truth is, I killed Red John. You can ask anyone. It was on the news, Lisbon.

Lisbon

But you think he's alive.

Jane

I told you that. You, Lisbon. Nobody else. It's better that way.

Lisbon

Then why make him reemerge? You manipulated Panzer into insulting Red John so Red John would kill him.

Jane

I didn't know how else to stop Panzer. He would have just kept on killing.