[Narrating] Okay, asking somebody how long they believed in Santa Claus is so stupid; you can't even consider that topic suitable for idle conversation. But if you still wanna know how long I believed in some old fat guy who wears a funky red suit, I can tell you this: I've never believed in him. Ever. The Santa that showed at my kindergarten Christmas festival? I knew he was fake. And I never saw mommy kissing Santa or anything. But I have to say, even as a little kid, I knew better than to believe in some old man who only worked one day a year. Now, having said that, it wasn't until I got older I realized aliens, time travelers, ghosts, monsters, ESPers, evil syndicates, and the anime/manga/fantasy flick heroes that fought said evil syndicates, who are also fake. Okay, I guess I always knew those things were bogus, I just didn't wanna admit it. All I ever wanted was for an alien, time traveler, ghost, monster, ESPer, evil syndicate, or the hero that fought 'em to just appear and say "Hey". Unfortunately, reality is a hard road indeed. Yep, you gotta admit the laws of physics definitely puts a damper on things. I even stopped watching those TV shows about aliens and ghosts and stuff. Aliens, time travelers, ESPERS...'course they don't exist! But a little part of me wishes they did. I guess I've grown up and realized that I can think about those things and still accept reality. But by the time I got out of junior high, I pretty much outgrew that kind of stuff and I guess I got used to the idea of living in an ordinary world. And just like that, I was in high school. And that's when I met her.
“The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 1” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Kyon (5), Haruhi Suzumiya (2), Ryoko (1), Taniguchi (1)
[Haruhi introduces herself to the rest of her class]
I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, from East Junior High. First off, I'm not interested in ordinary people. But, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all!
[Thinking] Is that supposed to be funny?
[Kyon is talking with Haruhi before homeroom the day after Haruhi got her hair cut.]
[Narrating] Ever since that day, talking to Haruhi right before homeroom started becoming sort of a ritual. [Aloud] So, is it true that you've dumped every guy you've ever dated?
And just what gives you the right to ask me a question like that? I don't know about anything you've heard. Whatever. You wanna believe it? It's probably true.
Well, with all that dating, isn't there at least one guy you were even a little serious about?
Absolutely not. They all took themselves way too seriously, and not even one of those guys were an alien, time traveler, or even an esper.
That's how people are normally.
Okay, so what's with most of them asking me out over the phone? I mean, shouldn't important stuff like that be done face-to-face, not phone-to-phone?
[Narrating] I'll just agree with her for now...
Yeah, well none of that's important anyway!
So what is?
Here's the problem: so far the way it looks is that all the men in this entire universe are pathetic. I mean, all throughout junior high, that was the one thing that irritated me the most.
Alright then, so what kind of guy would you have been into? An alien or something?
Yeah. Anything like an alien or something else along those lines. Anyway, as long as the person isn't an ordinary human, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.
Hold on a sec. What's wrong with being human? I mean, why do they have to be an alien?
Because that way, life's more interesting!
[Haruhi leaves the classroom and Taniguchi approaches Kyon's desk.]
Hey, Kyon. You need to tell me what kind of magic spell you're using!
What're you talking about?
I have never seen Suzumiya talk that long before, and I'm not exaggerating, man! The hell'd you say to her?
[Thinking] Huh...Wonder what I could have said to her...I think it was all pretty random stuff.
This is a phenomenon.
Kyon's always gone after the strange ones. The weirder the better.
Little louder, please, so everyone can hear you. [Ryoko approaches Kyon]
I wanna know how you did it. No matter how much I try to talk to her, I can't get Haruhi to answer any of my questions. What do you do to get her to open up? Do you have any tips for me?
[Crosses arms] No idea.
Hm...Still, I think it's a good thing. I've been sort of worried about her always completely alone in our class. I think it's really great that she's made at least one friend here.
A friend, huh?
Well, just keep doing whatever you're doing, 'cause maybe she'll warm up to the rest of us. I mean, since we're all in the same class, it'd really be for the best if everyone got along. And that's why I'm counting on you.
[Thinking] Easy for you to say.
In fact, from now on, if there's ever anything we need to say to her, we'll just talk to you and you can tell her for us.
[Aloud] Hey, hang on a sec. What do you think I am? Am I supposed to be your spokesperson or something?
[Folds hands and closes an eye.] Pretty please? [Runs back over to a group of girls who giggle in Kyon's direction. Taniguchi then grabs Kyon by the shoulders and starts rocking him back and forth.]
Kyon, we're buddies, aren't we? We're pals, right?
[Thinking] Everyone's turned into an idiot.
You can't do anything about what doesn't exist. In the end humans settle for what's in front of them. If you think about it, humans who were unable to do that made discoveries or inventions and advanced civilization. Planes were invented because people wanted to fly. Cars and trains came to be because people wanted easier means to move around. However, this came from a limited number of people who had innovative plans and concepts. In other words, geniuses made it all possible. Common folk like us are best off living an ordinary life.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.