[Narrating] The morning of December 16. It was so cold. And I mean cold that if you took an ice pick and plunged it into the ground, you'd shatter the Earth into a million pieces.
“Film: The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya”
In this episode: Kyon (5), Haruhi Suzumiya (1), Yuki Nagato (1), Itsuki Koizumi (1), Mikuru Asahina (1), Taniguchi (1)
[Narrating] It was nice and warm up until the school arts festival, but when December hit, the temperature dropped super-fast, like it was making up for lost time or something. It was like Japan just decided to skip Fall this year. Or, better yet, maybe the guy upstairs confused a prayer for more business with a spell to change the weather or something. Siberian air mass...seriously, I know you have to stick to your route and all, but you could skip us once in a while. It's like the seasons are out of whack or something. Oh great, now I'm worried about the environment. Yeah, well, I might be worried, but it's not like I'm gonna do anything about it. Too much work.
[Narrating] Do I know what's happening next week? [Referring to his earlier conversation with Taniguchi.] This so-called "event" that's making everyone freak out? Of course I do. It's easy when the person in the seat behind me makes it her mission to keep track of such things. She's the general manager of all the trouble I've gotten into since April. She's the root of all evil in the universe. The person behind every threat to my existence. Uh, yeah...her.
[Haruhi is discussing the Christmas party with the other members.]
Does anyone have plans next week for Christmas Eve?
[Thinking] I freaking knew it.
I'm pretty sure you've got nothing going on, right Kyon? We all know you don't have much of a social life and I'm only asking because I didn't want you to feel like a loser.
Yeah? Well what if I did have something going on? Tell me what you're planning first.
You're free, I knew it! [Turns to Koizumi] How about you, Koizumi? I bet you got a date with a girlfriend, don't ya?
[Sighs] It would be wonderful if that were indeed the case, however, believe it or not, my schedule prior to Christmas Eve is completely open and flexible at present. To tell the truth, I was getting a little worried about how I was going to pass the time.
[Thinking] Liar. You made yourself free on purpose. Admit it!
Well, now you don't have to worry about it! Besides, this'll be way better. [Turns to Mikuru] How about you Mikuru? You've probably got plans, too! Like maybe someone asked you to watch that moment when rain turns to snow in the dead of night?
[Thinking] Suddenly, she's from the Shōwa era.
Actually, I don't have anything planned next week. [Confused] Dead of night?
[Thinking] You could go out with me, Miss Asahina!
[Turns to Yuki] Yuki?
Nothing.
Awesome!
[Thinking] Whoa!
Okay, then! It's settled! [Uncaps a marker and writes "SOS Brigade Christmas Party"] Since nobody has plans for next week, we're gonna throw an SOS Brigade Christmas party! As usual, if there are any objections, you can file them after the event and I promise I'll take them into consideration!
[Thinking] And, as usual, she's doing whatever she wants. She did ask everyone if they had plans, though. I guess she's making a little progress.
What did you say before?
I said I didn't underst-[Kyon interrupts]
Not that.
Oh, Haruhi Suzumiya? She was the gonzo girl of east junior high. The two of us were in the same class in middle school. I didn't know you guys knew each other.
You slimy octopus.
Who are you calling an octopus? If i'm an octopus you're a dried up old squid!
[Pushes Taniguchi into a desk] You know Haruhi, you really know who she is?
Of course I know her. Even after 50 years you don't forget someone like her. All the kids who went to east junior high know that crazy chick. Let me go man what the hell.
Where is she? Where the hell did Haruhi go.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.