A character in The Larry Sanders Show
Played by Garry Shandling
The Larry Sanders Show · 38 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Larry Sanders Show: in 24 of its 38 quotes
Most scenes with: Arthur (5), Hank Kingsley (4), Jeannie (3)
The show is going great!
LarryOh, it's going great, my life is falling apart and I'm glad there's TV cameras here to cover it. This is like the Hindenburg. How much long before you start shouting "Oh, the humanity"?
[Hank tells about the origins of his catchphrase] No, no, you see when I was a kid, I used to say "Hey". And then later, I said "Now". But I never put it together until much later...
Are you taking about "Hey now"?
Yes.
Because I have always wondered about that. Which writer came up with "Hey now"?
Hank did.
It's brilliant. Really. Have you ever thought about changing it?
No.
Just listen to this. Okay? Instead of saying "Hey now!", you would say "Come here!"
[awkward silence from the group]
Try, just give it a try.
"Come here!"
It's wonderful, it's wonderful!
It's good, I like it.
That's what you can use when the show goes off the air.
What do you... what show... what show goes off the air?
Larry is always talking about moving to Montana, leaving the business...
[to Larry who just stopped by] The show's going off the air?
...building or something up there.
LarryShe's kiddin'. She's kiddin'.
No.
Is something wrong?
LarryYes. You're telling people all about our lives.
What are you talking about?
LarryAbout dry-humping, about Aspen, about moving to Montana.
You're spying on me?
LarryI was standing near by.
LarryI'm telling you, I have a real problem. Twenty people could say they liked me, Artie, and I am telling you I'd still be thinking: seventeen of them are lying, two of them probably have severe emotional problems and one of them is probably confusing me with Larry King.
I've gotta say something that's gonna sound trite but it's also truth. As soon as you start liking yourself, you won't care what other people think.
Larry[laughing] Hey, then I'm totally fucked.
LarryI was in the grocery store and I heard a crash but you know, it's uh, it's a supermarket in L.A., I figured it was, you know, looting.
It's understandable, that'd be my first thought.
Hear me out. Hear me out. Why not have her on the show and apologize to her. I swear to Christ, this is brilliant. I mean, the only way you're gonna get better ratings is if you marry Hank on the air.
LarryGod, you're a sick fuck.
Thank you.
LarrySee, I can't do that. I can't be an asshole.
[eye-rolling] That must be really hard for you, Larry.
LarryIt is. It's very frustrating. Think of Johnny Carson. Remember when Johnny got arrested for drunk driving and he made the front page of every newspaper?
Yeah.
LarryYou know how many people get arrested for drunk driving everyday? They're not on the front page of newspapers, only Johnny Carson is on the front page of newspaper. Do you know why?
He was drunk!
LarryNo, but he's Johnny, that's the point. You think she would have sold those tapes to Entertainment Tonight if I wasn't Larry Sanders? I'll move to Montana, that will make everybody happy.
You know, sex is not a dirty thing. Sex is not a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.
Larry...to quote our president.
[Stevie is raving about promoting an episode where Ellen DeGeneres comes out as a lesbian]
LarryAll right, look, you know, I think we're avoiding one little question here: what if she's not a lesbian? Did you guys ever think of that?
Oh, man, I- she's a lesbian, I can tell, right? I've had sex with a lesbian.
So you had sex with a lesbian. You gotta have sex with two lesbians, that's the whole point.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Larry Sanders Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
