See, I can't do that. I can't be an asshole.
[eye-rolling] That must be really hard for you, Larry.
It is. It's very frustrating. Think of Johnny Carson. Remember when Johnny got arrested for drunk driving and he made the front page of every newspaper?
Yeah.
You know how many people get arrested for drunk driving everyday? They're not on the front page of newspapers, only Johnny Carson is on the front page of newspaper. Do you know why?
He was drunk!
No, but he's Johnny, that's the point. You think she would have sold those tapes to Entertainment Tonight if I wasn't Larry Sanders? I'll move to Montana, that will make everybody happy.
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