Hank Kingsley quotes from The Larry Sanders Show

Hank

[watching the head writer and the new girl have sex outside the office] Wow, and I thought I had a hairy ass!

Hank

You folks see that flashing sign up there? Now, that sign says: "Applesauce." No, no, I'm kidding. It says "applause." Ray, do me a favor. Could you flick that once? [crowd applauds] All right. Now remember. You're all a big part of the show, so the better you are, the better Larry is. You see this gentleman? He's giving me this sign and it says, "We're on in ten seconds." So get ready to have a good time. All right, here we go. This is exciting, isn't it?

Hank

That one Green Giant spot has been a real monkey on my back. I'll tell you one thing: If they ever ask you to put on a pair of green tights, no matter how much they offer you, you just walk away. Walk away.

Larry

I'll remember that.

Larry

We're discussing the memo, Hank.

Hank

What memo?

Larry

Don't act out.

Hank

That's an... that's an insult. I'm not acting dumb. I don't know what memo. I'm sorry but that's how I feel.

Larry

Alright, I'm sorry.

Hank

I don't know about it.

Larry

They'll tell you about it. [to his staff] Tell him about the memo.

Hank

[after Larry left the room, Hank takes the memo from his pocket] Do you believe this shit?

Hank

Jesus. I think that's Jerry and Sally fucking in the parking lot. Wow! I am telling you, nothing beats that missionary position!

[she stops writing Hank's ideas for the show] I think I have enough, Hank.

Hank

Yeah, hurry up, put it into the computer and get it out to the fans.

I might just do a little editing.

Hank

No, no, we never edit Hank's thoughts.

Hank

[Hank tells about the origins of his catchphrase] No, no, you see when I was a kid, I used to say "Hey". And then later, I said "Now". But I never put it together until much later...

Jeannie

Are you taking about "Hey now"?

Hank

Yes.

Jeannie

Because I have always wondered about that. Which writer came up with "Hey now"?

Hank did.

Jeannie

It's brilliant. Really. Have you ever thought about changing it?

Hank

No.

Jeannie

Just listen to this. Okay? Instead of saying "Hey now!", you would say "Come here!"

Jeannie

Try, just give it a try.

Hank

"Come here!"

Jeannie

It's wonderful, it's wonderful!

Jerry

It's good, I like it.

Jeannie

That's what you can use when the show goes off the air.

Jerry

What do you... what show... what show goes off the air?

Jeannie

Larry is always talking about moving to Montana, leaving the business...

Jerry

[to Larry who just stopped by] The show's going off the air?

Jeannie

...building or something up there.

Larry

She's kiddin'. She's kiddin'.

Jeannie

No.

Hank

What else is my jackass businessman [unintell.] have to say?

[reading] "Mr. Kingsley, restaurants rotate when they are at the tops of buildings. Your place is at street level: There is no view."

Hank

He does not get it! Y'see, the point is... It's not the view!... The point is, when you eat at Hank's, YOU and YOUR FOOD... are going... on an adventure!

Maybe you should just forget the rotating floor and get the place going!

Hank

You know, sex is not a dirty thing. Sex is not a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

Larry

...to quote our president.