Artie quotes from The Larry Sanders Show

[to Darlene about appearing in Playboy] Look at me; I've got a face that would crack a mirror that's why I am a producer.

[to Elizabeth Ashley in the throes of passion in the Garment Room] Ever since you've gone on SlimfastTM, I'm powerless.

It's scotch whisky... Glenlivet, single malt. When you die, you'll go to heaven, say hello to God; and when God says hello to you, this is what you'll smell on his breath.

Fine, you just go home. I'll come over there later; stick a red hot poker up your ass. We'll call it even.

Larry

Okay. You have my address, right?

And your poker size.

Larry

All right, look, you know, I think we're avoiding one little question here: what if she's not a lesbian? Did you guys ever think of that?

Oh, man, I- she's a lesbian, I can tell, right? I've had sex with a lesbian.

So you had sex with a lesbian. You gotta have sex with two lesbians, that's the whole point.

Arthur...

Melanie! And Kenny! What an almost-pleasant surprise! ...

Look, Arthur: We're a little worried, here...

About what?

Is Jon [Stewart] aware that this is an 11:30 show?!

[nods]

..and he just told us that he booked the Wu Tang Clan!

Yes! Staten Island's street-wise troubadours. ... What about 'em?

Well, we think they might be a little too... "urban".

Urban? Well, I can call my good friend, Lenny Kravitz. He's only half-"urban"!