Lara Perkins quotes from The L Word

Dana

Hey...

Lara

[looks up] Hey! [Lara cuts her thumb] Ow!

Dana

Oh, my god! Oh - oh, my god, I'm sorry, I --

Lara

It's okay.

Dana

[panicked] Ah, Jesus, you're disfigured!

Lara

[smiling, calm] I'm not disfigured.

Dana

But I could've killed you! When you were (makes chopping motions)... you know...

Lara

It happens all the time.

Dana

Well, should we call a doctor?

Lara

[giggles] Dana! [she holds up her hand, counting off fingers] Second-degree burn from the Béchamel sauce. Run-away shish-kabob. An attack from a particularly hostile live lobster, and, um, electric can-opener.

Dana

Is there anything I can do?

Lara

You could kiss it and make it better.

Dana

My friends said that they thought that you would think I was a geek if, you know, if I wore a dress.

Lara

So, I am a geek.

Dana

No, I'm a geek. For letting my friends tell me what to wear.

Dana

[apologizing to Lara] Can I please try again? I really want to try again. Can I?

Lara

One thing.

Dana

[holding back tears] Anything.

Lara

You have to start at least taking some steps towards being out.

Dana

I will.

Lara

Because you're going to be miserable being in the closet.

Dana

I know.

Lara

And you are really, really gay.

Dana

[almost laughing] I know.

Lara

And it's one of the things I like so much about you. If you hide that, you're hiding the best part.

Dana

So what's the scoop? Is the lesbo man dating the fake bisexual?

Alice

[throws a peanut at Dana] I am bisexual.

Lara

Okay, I'm confused.

Dana

Ah, well, Lisa over here is a lesbian identified... male.

Lara

So what is that, is that like a transsexual?

Alice

Don't.

Dana

I wonder how he pees. Sitting down do you think? Shane?

Shane

I never peed with him.

Tina

I just want to know, are you into him as a lesbian, or as a man?

Dana

Maybe you should call yourself a transsexual.

Lara

So you still haven't told me. What do you think counts as sex?

Dana

I don't know. Having an orgasm.

Lara

Well, if that was the case, that would mean thousands of women who are married with children have never had sex.