Have you had that blowjob, yet?
Yes, Neil, I’ve had one on the escalator and one in Nandos.
Really?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Oh mate, you’ve gotta have a plan. One mate I knew, he didn’t have a plan and went in too quick, broke his knob in half!
TSTara's Sister
I don’t like the idea of you having sex at all, but at least I know you’re doing it somewhere comfortable.
Oh, of course, only in her vagina.
TSTara's Sister
I meant in my room.
…So did I?
Why’d you say vagina then?
Well when I fingered her, she shit down my arm.
This has been the best night of my life.
I’m gonna fuck your fucking fanny off you twat!
My penis is hard for you.
C'mon I’ve got enough young meat for the both of ya.
(pretending to be Simon) Oh look at me I’ve got a girlfriend and I love going round hers and listening to her shit music and laughing at her shit jokes and pretending she is fit when she isn’t.
Who isn’t that fit?
Your mum.
As I’m sure you’re aware, there’s been a spate of vandalism recently, culminating in someone adapting the flower display by main road that it now reads (looks at paper on desk) “we cum tit village”.
(to Will, in his office) You’ve got until Monday to find out (who vandalised the roundabout flower display), or it’s 'Goodbye, first-rate education, hello, the University of Lincoln'.
Sorry, is there a sign on the permanently open front door saying 'this way to the free toast bar?'
(commenting on Will’s house rules) God, it’s like staying at the Ritz!
Famous of course for its 'no chucking drinks or toast' policy.
Ah, yes, Will’s mum’s vibrator!
That’s a rolling pin.
It’s still got that lovely smell.
It’s a rolling pin.
How long you had the dog now, Jay?
Eight years.
And has he always watched you tug one off?
No! I wasn’t wanking when I was 10, was I?!
I thought you got laid when you was nine? With that fit babysitter?
…Erm…yeah, and that’s WHY I wasn’t wanking so much.
(after a squirrel refuses to dodge Jay’s car) You’ve just lost a game of chicken with a rodent!
Oh, that’s so funny! He’s mugging you off, mate!
Right, we’ll see about that!
Oh god.
Oh, why did you do that for?!
That’ll show him! Fucking little piss taker.
I don’t think he was trying to take the piss, Jay!
Let’s go get a spade, we’ll bury it.
Nah, fuck him!
(Mournfully) His eyes look sad.
(voiceover) So in Neil and Jay’s course of destruction, the death toll stood at ten destroyed daffodils and one piss-taking squirrel.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Inbetweeners pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.