(voiceover) So it looked like it might be quite some time before we were picking up girls in the car.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(to Neil) I suppose your dad needs the money.
He doesn’t, actually.
Rent boys don’t come cheap.
Oi, my dad’s not bent.
Then why is he paying for rent boys?
He’s not.
What, they’re freebies?
This is perfect. Simon passes his test, drives us to Thorpe Park, Neil gets us freebies, and I get to ride -
A man’s cock in the bushes?
The Nemesis Inferno!
(voiceover) Despite our excitement, we knew it would take a miracle for Simon to pass his test. But miracles often comes in unlikely packages.
(voiceover) Simon never did tell us what happened on his driving test.
(voiceover) So we had a car. It was a shit car, but it was still a car. All we needed now was some girls.
(to Simon, about a group of girls in a car up ahead) Si, we’re losing them!
You make it sound as if we’re about to attack them.
I’ve just seen the clunge head towards Nemesis.
Well sounds like they are thrill seekers too.
I hope they are cock seekers too!
RARide Attendant
Room for one more at the front.
Sorry?
RARide Attendant
One more. At the front.
How can there possibly be room for only one more at the front?
RARide Attendant
Well there’s three people on the front, so there’s a spare seat there-
Let’s just rewind a bit, shall we? Why are there now three people at the front?
RARide Attendant
Sir, if you could just get on-
(getting more and more angry) They’ve pushed in! We’ve been queueing for over an hour specifically for the front, and they’ve pushed in?
RARide Attendant
Sir-
Get them off! Get them off and make them move! Fucking pushing in!
(Aware of the scene now being created) Will, it doesn’t matter. We’ll sit at the back.
RARide Attendant
Sir, if you could just-
Are they so dumb they think it’s okay to push in? Make them move!
Shut up, you plum, and get on the ride.
RARide Attendant
Sir, it’s the last ride of the day, please get on.
Will, honestly, it doesn’t matter, just get on.
Fine, fucking fine! I’ll just…I’ll just get on. I’ll just get on, and sit at the front (he sits at the front and straps himself in) next to these inconsiderate arseholes.
I’m the worst human being in the world.
(voiceover) When I look back on my life, I’m pretty sure that ride will be a low point. But with a bit of luck, the others wouldn’t find out who I’d insulted…
They were on the front? Oh no, Will, no…
(laughing) Oh my god.
Oh Will.
Oh my God.
Don’t!
(trying not to laugh) “Arseholes”
(killing himself laughing) This is the best.
You’re going to Hell.
Please don’t.
(voiceover) It’s true. Girls do like cars. They just don’t like shitty little yellow cars that ruin funerals and don’t have all the doors they were made with. Girls are also less keen on boys who wear Speedos, borderline sex pests and people who insult the disabled.
..Inconsiderate arseholes!
(voiceover) But it’s not all bad. What we learned today is there isn’t a car on the planet that can make us cool, whatever state it was in.
What? I’m telling you, all the birds I’ve shagged love that!
So, no birds love that, then.
Well, your mum loved it.
Brilliant.
It doesn’t matter ‘cause she’s not coming.
Who’s not coming?
Charlotte Hinchcliffe.
I’d make her come. All over my face!
CCharlotte
(to Jay, with Will) Okay then, 'funny boy'. Make me laugh…without undressing.
(repeatedly imitating Crazy Frog, as Charlotte and Will watch in appalled silence) Nim, nee nim nim nim nim! Boh, bom bom bah bah bah!!!
…it’s Crazy Frog…
Fucking hell, he’s leaving.
No screams and he’s not covered in blood. Will must have got away with it.
Or Donovan killed them both silently.
She is so beautiful and she keeps looking at me.
She’s only looking to see if you’ve stopped staring at her.
She’s still looking.
Because you’re freaking her out.
I think we’ve got a connection. Her eyes! Why don’t we go over?
No, I don’t need to pull. I’ve got a sure thing lined up.
A midweek wank?
No. I’ve centered that charity blind date thing at school.
That’s tragic.
Well, that’s where you’re wrong. Because I get the choice of three girls to take out on a date. So I don’t need to spend my Saturday evening scaring girls like Simon does.
What if she’s feeling the same and neither of us does anything about it?
She’s fit and she’s the year above. She’ll never go for you.
Look, Will… Will, yeah, has pulled Charlotte Hinchcliffe. Anything could happen tonight. I’m going over.
CFCharlotte’s Friend
Go away.
(voiceover) With Simon’s humiliation, the party was over, and some of us had done better than others.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Inbetweeners pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.